Stop Mother-Smothering

   I am HORRIBLE about this. I will tell Papasuarusrex how she likes to play, how to comfort her, how to put her to bed, how to brush her teeth, don't do this or that, no, no, do it this way. Or worse if Cutes Patoots is upset I will intervene before he even has a chance to work it out on his own. He will call me on it too. I remember once I was making dinner and she started to cry, I stopped what I was doing to "fix" whatever it was for her and him. He called me on it, told me "I got this. Finish making dinner and stop mother-smothering!"

   He was right (it only pains me a little to say that). Recently he took some time off and for once I let go, so to speak. I let him take the night shift, morning shift, or both if he was amenable (he took almost all of them. The others I got before he heard her) so I could sleep and he got time with her by himself. And guess what? She is still alive and happy. Papasaurusrex is happy because he got some one on one with Cutes. And I got some work done AND caught up on my sleep. I think we are all better for my letting go and affording him the opportunities to do it HIS way.

Letting your partner do things their way gives baby a chance to look at the world differently. Maybe your partner likes to play a little rougher than you. That is ok. It can help baby develop in other ways. WTEWE has a great article on this. It also gives baby a chance to bond with their other parent and allows your partner to figure out what works for them (it may very well be different). Here is a prime example. If Cutes is rolling and bucking around her crib at night trying to avoid sleep I can usually just rub her back to get her to hold still and fall asleep. This does not work for Papasaurusrex because she sees him as someone to play with. He has his own method now that I have let go of the reigns and stopped interfering (most of the time.) What? It's a hard habit to break! 

   Start small if you have to. Have your partner watch baby while you take a bath (and stay in it even if you hear baby cry). I promise you if they need you to intervene they will come get you. Or maybe you make dinner, take care of the laundry you are behind on, try that craft you pinned 3 months ago. Just pick something and do it. By being in the house you'll see that they get on just fine. If you can't seem to restrain yourself (highly probable) try going on a family shopping trip and giving the diaper bag and stroller to your partner. When you get to the store go your separate ways. Go look at shoes, baby stuff, underwear (you probably could use some new pairs). But remember do NOT wander off with the diaper bag. You will get an angry text. (just trust me on that one...Oops!)
   Now you may be like me and suffer from extreme mother-smother syndrome. The most obvious symptoms are: the inability to let go, extreme exhaustion, constantly assuming you know best, and a constantly annoyed spouse. If you have any of these symptoms you need to get treatment fast or it will get worse. Your partner may even develop a case of "she'll-get-it-itis" a terrible disease affecting even the most awesome of parents. To treat extreme cases of mother-smother syndrome you have to Leave. The. House. ALONE! Even if it is just a short run to get milk. Just leave baby with your partner. Resist the urge to call or text unless you are going to take longer than expected or have a non-baby related question. Do not ask how the baby is. You may have to do this several times and for longer periods of time before you start to recover. You will most likely have frequent relapses, be aware of them. Make sure your partner feels comfortable calling you out on it when you just can not help yourself. I promise you'll thank me because letting go affords you photo ops like this.