Stuff = Love...Wait, WHAAAAT?

     Christmas has just come and gone. It's can be an exciting thing but there is also a lot of negativity involved in the holiday. People can get down right nasty to each other while spewing platitudes of good will toward all but that is a far more global issue than I want to go into on a parenting blog. My point is Christmas is not all fat men in red suits, flying reindeer, and cookies you eat at midnight while trying to assemble some plastic contraption with more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle. There is stress over impending family visiting. You have to go to the grocery store for milk? Well best to plan to be there for 3 hours because even supermarkets get crazy busy. Then your kid brings you a list of gift suggestions and you read over it and your eyes start bugging out as you tally the cost (thankfully I am not to the list stage yet but I can imagine). You want to get your kids everything they want but are confined by silly things like reality when they ask for a purple unicorn that farts rainbows or the bigger issue money. But maybe you are lucky and only have to worry about trying to find a horned horse that flaulates the light spectrum. If you are congratulations and I mean that sincerely. Over the holiday season I found myself flogged by posts about not getting your kid everything they want, don't let "Santa" buy the expensive gifts because another kid's parents can't afford to buy their kid an XBox, how getting your kid whatever they want will make them entitled. It is December 31st and I just saw another one of these posts and I am about ready to explode if I see another. It has started to tick me off not because I think entitling kids is a good thing, not because I disagree that kids should know their parents loved them enough to spend $400 worth of their blood, sweat, and tears to buy the kid something they wanted. My impending detonation has nothing to do with disagreeing with the sentiment behind the articles. No it is the superior tone these article all seem to take. You know the tone; the one that makes you feel guilty because maybe you were too generous and think "Oh my God I am RUINING my child!" Yeah I can't stand that.
     We are a single income military family. Neither of us came from money so to speak. We are in no way rich, but we do live comfortably and are able to provide Cutes Patoots with many of the things she wants as well as more than cover her needs. She is also blessed with a passel of grandparents who adore her. Seriously she wants for nothing. If there is the merest hint of a need it is taken care of. We are well aware how privileged we are. This isn't me bragging. I constantly worry that maybe she is spoiled because she has to do without very little. I came to a conclusion on Christmas Eve after scrolling through Facebook and seeing the pictures on my friends walls after Santa had come. Cutes Patoots IS spoiled. Despite feeling that we were very conservative (3 gifts per parent and then what her grandparents got her) she still had more gifts than some had under their tree for the whole family. I immediately felt BAD about what we were able to give her. Yes I felt BAD because we were clearly ruining our child.
     Three minutes later I came to another conclusion; no we weren't! There is a difference between a spoiled child and a spoiled, rotten child. Cutes Patoots while she does get most of the things she wants (I am not giving in on the bunny issue. Live rabbit? No thank you.), she isn't entitled. She IS however almost 2 and sometimes comes off that way. By and large though if we tell her she can't have something she may frown but will accept it and go on and chirp or sing "Let It Go." Yes despite getting what she wants a great deal of the time she will accept the N word (no for the toddler uninitiated)  as the final say. According to all of these things I have read though that isn't possible. So why does it work for our daughter? Here is why i think it works:

• When we say "no" Cutes Patoots knows we mean it. She may test it a little bit but in the end "no" means "no, no way, no how, not happening."
• She has rules. If she breaks those rules there are consistent consequences. If she starts mangling a book and is told to stop and doesn't, the books are taken up for a bit. Yes there is crying. Yes it breaks a part of our souls, but me and Papasaurusrex stick to our guns. In a little while she gets them back and low and behold is much kinder to them. In deference to her age we keep the rules simple and add to them as new situations arise, but the old rules don't change.
• And possibly the most important thing we also spoil her with our time. We don't just spend money on her. We also spend a great deal of our time with and for her. She is our priority. Her health, safety, needs, discipline, and future our top priorities. Even at not quite 2 she understands that things are interchangeable but our love for her is not. That our love is expressed in hugs, snuggles, kisses, actions, and words not the contents of her playroom. We adults seem to forget this. A playroom full of toys is no compensation for your time. If I got rid of all of her toys right now and gave her a box and some plastic bottles she'd be just as happy as long as I am will to still play with her.

     So whether you poop gold bricks or are barely scraping by the take away here is the same: stuff does not equal love. Stop flogging yourself and go spend some quality time with your kids. Watch the shows they like with them even if they grate on your last nerve, take them to the park and climb the slide with them, next time you are grocery shopping stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking about you and bust a move in the cereal aisle (toddlers love that). Have fun with your kids, create memories, and make sure they know that they are your foremost concern even if they aren't the center of the universe. When the time comes and you have to discipline them make sure they know it's because you love them. Kids are far smarter than we give them credit for.

Toddlers are Better People

     By this juncture anyone who was reading this blog has probably given up on me ever posting
again. It has been a crazy year: Papasaurusrex deployed, we had a surprise PCS move we had to plan and execute in two months (if you want more on that I am going to TRY to write it next week), after settling us in Papasaurusrex was off again for a while, and I am currently in the process of putting our life back together so he comes back to a home and not a disaster area. In the midst of all the adult chaos Cutes Patoots has learned to walk, run, climb, dance, and talk. We went from just a few simple words to her grabbing my face in both her precious little hands and asking if I was okay. Life for a toddler, like the rest of us, goes on and not a moment can be wasted, which brings us to today and the reason I dusted off my blog.
     Today we went to Balboa Park in San Diego for the Plumeria Festival. After we watched the hula dancers and looked at the different varieties of plumeria for sale we decided to take a stroll, me walking while pushing Cutes Patoots in her little pink car. It was such a beautiful southern California day and I really wanted to get some good pictures of Cutes for her daddy. The sun was shinning and people were everywhere. Kids darting back and forth, tents set up for face painting. I had decided to take Cutes over to the large fountain outside of the Ruben H. Fleet Science Center when I saw an older gentleman in a wheelchair coming down a sidewalk. People were avoiding his gaze, pulling their kids to the other side of road, doing anything they could to avoid drawing his notice and certainly to avoid risking having to interact with him. I was about to do the same thing when Cutes lifted her little hand and waved at him with a bright smile on her face. I watched as his face lit up before he waved back, as if that simple gesture was the most beautiful gift he had received in years. I could have quickly moved on and pretended not to notice. Instead we stopped and said a formal hello introducing ourselves. He honked the horn on his wheelchair and Cutes honked the horn on her car in response. We talked for a few minutes about nothing of import. I could tell he wasn't all there, not dangerous but some of his synapses aren't making the right connections, his speech a little slow and his ideas not always flowing very well. As we talked he told me he was looking for the Air and Space Museum and I pulled out my park map and showed him how to get there. Since we didn't need the map anymore I told him to keep it and circled his destination before giving it to him. It was a very pleasant exchange with Cutes Patoots piping in with her happy chirps and offerings of leaves and rocks she found particularly pretty.We were at the end of our exchange when he asked if he could shake Cutes Patoots' hand. That was when I  took the best photo of the day. His older hand with dirt around the nail beds holding her precious little hand that had waved to him in such beautiful innocence.

     This one image to me captured something profound, something I have continued to think about all afternoon and well into the evening, something I will share with you now. We as parents are always looking to the next stage. We can't wait for our toddler to start acting like a more reasonable human being. I mean come-on, yes means no but also yes, no means no but might mean yes. They are overly dramatic, they throw tantrums, throw food. There is no impulse control and let's not even talk about the mood swings. Seriously, they yell at us when there is poop in their bathtub. We didn't poop in their tub (at least I hope you didn't. I know in my case it was definitely her that pooped in the tub.) But there is something we don't think about that toddlers have that we lose as adults; innocence. We become jaded to the simple pleasures of life like a sprinkler on a hot summer day. While in our heads we know our actions have an impact on the world we don't stop to watch the ripples when we throw a rock into the pond. We no longer see people as people, but as threats we must avoid. I am just as guilty. It is only as a mother that I am beginning to see the difference a smile can make. It is such a simple gesture to wave your hand and greet a stranger, but to that stranger it can mean the world. What I would like to do is challenge those that are reading this to act more like a toddler. Smile at strangers, talk to the lady that lives in the creepy house that seems to have a million cats, if the mother of four in front of you is having to decide if she is going to put the toilet paper back or the bread, milk, and cheese because she is $10 short, give her the ten bucks no strings attached. If we all strive to make other people smile the world will be a much more pleasant place. Our communities can be the place we want our children growing up, but it starts with us.

My Glamorous Life

I know it's been a long time. I have some great posts planned but the holidays depleted what non-existent free time I have. But I did want to drop by and give you a laugh.

So yesterday I see what I believe to be spots of animal puke on my floor. (I lead such a glamorous life, don't I?) I look at the cat and dog very concernedly as I clean up these blobs, a very helpful Cutes Patoots toddling after me with a half inflated Mylar balloon in tow. I finally get them all up only to turn and step in a new one. For every spot I manage to clean I find two more! I become very frustrated at this point, completely baffled by what is happening. Where are these coming from? The animals certainly hadn't puked. I was standing right there! It's at this point I finally really look at my toddler (it's so weird to say that). Much to my horror Cutes Patoots has poop running out of the bottom of her shorts and down her leg in these chunky clumps. I reach out to catch her so I can change her diaper but she turns and RUNS all through my downstairs leaving a trail of yellow poo-droplets in her wake while laughing and gleefully tugging her balloon behind her. There was poop EVERY.WHERE.

Once I caught her and cleaned enough poop off of her legs to lay her down (because I didn't want poop on the carpet, I only now see how that is funny) and clean her up I discovered the problem. Cutes Patoots had turned her diaper into a thong on one side! NOT how I'd put it on her. I know this will shock you but diapers are not effective when there is a half moon. Seriously how did she get a whole butt cheek out? The lesson here is when you become a parent poop is a big part of your life. Find the humor in it. I promise you your life as a parent will be so much easier if you just look for the humor in every experience. It's not always easy to see but it is there! Have a great (hopefully poop nightmare free) day!