Play and Delays

      We all have moments where we worry about our child's development. Somewhere in between the diaper/pull-up changes, potty training, sleep training and retraining, cooking their favorite meal only to find out it changed five minutes ago, and cleaning up poop we all worry about it. And yes I do mean ALL. You know that perfect mommy blogger's posts that made you feel like you and your child were just ineptly stupid because her kid potty trained in 30 minutes? She worries about her child's development. Oh what about that friend who bragged about how her 2 year old can count to 273 while hoping on one foot, blind folded through a ring of fire? Especially her. She not only worries

about hitting milestones, but hitting them early and not only that but chances are while her little one is miles ahead in one or two areas of development there are other areas they seem to be lagging behind. Even I worry about Cutes Patoots milestones. I could give you about 103 different examples but let's talk about counting. Several months before she turned one Cutes was easily counting to three. Fast forward about 8 months and suddenly she started counting "1,10, 11." Meanwhile I hear other kids her age counting to 20. So I immediately start trying to fix this. I start counting to her all the time, I correct her EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she counts, I buy dollar book after dollar book about counting and numbers, we count in books where there is no counting, and still she counts "1, 10, 11." I began to wonder if there was something wrong. Then one day I was doing dishes and she was laying on the floor trying to coax the new puppy out from under the couch and I hear her count, clear as a bell, no hesitation "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7." I start inching my way into the living room. "8, 9, 10." I am standing right behind her. "11" she starts to say twelve and then looks up and hastily says "1, 10, 11." She knows how to count but clearly she derives some perverse pleasure in making me think she can't. She does the same thing with colors, deliberately mis-identifying them. It drives me to the point of insanity. So trust me I know your pain and keep in mind these are just two examples. I look forward/dread Well Child visits because they help to mellow my moments of "Oh my God she is missing milestones and falling behind and she will never catch up and IT'S ALL MY FAULT! We will get her the best therapy we possibly can but how could I have done this to her!!!!!!"

    Yeah it spirals out of control rather rapidly doesn't it? I think it is all those imagined mommy wars and poop fumes. Really kills the brain cells. But those Well Child visits  get fewer and fewer as your child gets older. Cutes Patoots is now down to just one a year. That leaves a lot of time for me to drive my self nuts and so I go to Google and Google gives me milestone check lists but they aren't quite right because the cover the whole range of 2 or 3 and when in a year do these milestones occur? Seriously you could drive yourself insane. I do frequently. The thing is though children develop at their own pace and sometimes a milestone they "should" meet is just not on the agenda or possibly unnecessary. For instance the charts say Cutes should be asking questions, lots of them. She doesn't very often use question words though. She asks with a few words and a head tilt. Or she just waits patiently for me to tell her what something is or what's going on because I have always explained things to her and not left her in the dark. When I asked the doctor about it his response was "well she doesn't need to use the words." She now of course will use her question words because I have started asking her to identify things first and if she doesn't know she will say "whas' dat?" There was a good solid month though where I counted and watched for questions. I convinced and unconvinced myself she was fine about 100 times, and I know I am not the only one who does this.

     I have been thinking to myself there has to be an easier, less neurotic way to alleviate these concerns that doesn't involve going to the doctor for reassurance (which doesn't even always work.) Well mommies and daddies there is. It is so stupid simple too that we often overlook it. If you really want a good picture of where your child is developmentally watch them play. Don't play with them, just observe how they play  on their own. Sneak in the playroom when they sound busy, come out of the kitchen not just when it is quiet but when you hear them mumbling quietly to themselves. I can guarantee you if your toddler is anything like mine you will learn 100 times more about their skills and development than you will hovering over them. Kids are funny they want to please you and make you happy but they also want to feel like their own person. That is why it seems like kids develop skills overnight. It's not that this skill appeared suddenly. It's that they were practicing when we weren't looking.

     I am not telling you to helicopter parent, just the opposite really. Give them autonomy to practice their own story telling, to manipulate their toys the way they want to, if they have a phone or a tablet I actually highly recommend letting them watch some videos on YouTube. My daughter is in love with the Come Play With Me channel. It showed her new ways to play with her toys. Ideas that she hadn't previously thought of herself. Did I find these videos for her? No I set her up with the Doodlebops and she found this channel on her own and I am grateful. Not only does it mean she is learning to work the technology but the videos themselves have been very helpful to her development. Her sentence structure is becoming stronger and stronger as is her story telling ability. Now yes you do need to keep tabs on what they are watching. Cutes Patoots did manage to find a home birthing video and watch it. I discovered what she was watching about 2 birthing pains in. We did finish the video and hey I may manage to dodge the where babies come from conversation, but every now and then I catch her eyeballing my belly like at any moment I could have a baby. Educational? Absolutely. Was two and a half when I wanted her to learn about babies? Meh, not so much but she is a clever child and seems to have suffered no emotional trauma over the incident.

      We hear it over and over again that play is important, but as adults we forget how important because they stop letting us learn through play. Instead they prefer to tell us or have us read about what we are learning, but think about it when training for a new job you don't truly understand what you are doing until you get into and get your hands into the work. Play is just that for a child; it is getting their hands in and practicing the things they have learned. To aid them in this make sure their playroom or toy box has both age appropriate toys but also some that are maybe a step or two ahead of where you think they are. If they show an interest in something buy toys of that interest. We have Disney Princess dolls, Doc McStuffins, and My Little Pony. She also has a collection of dinosaurs, cars, and superheroes. Make sure there is variety and at the end of the day pay attention to where and how your little one's toys are arranged. I have long maintained that how I find things in Cutes Patoots play kitchen tells me more about her development than any Well Child checklist ever could. So next time you start to have that mini mommy panic attack just go watch how your child is interacting with their toys. If you still have concerns after observing them over a course of time and they don't seem to be making any progress THEN it is time to talk to your doctor. Remember those charts are based on an average age range and ultimately that average has little to nothing to do with when your child will reach them. Especially if you notice they are ahead of schedule in another area. Kids all have different interests and their own agendas. Those interests and agendas don't always line up with our own. As far as the charts are concerned the only thing toddlers care about is what they taste like.

To Have or Not to Have?

     I know I owe you all a post on how to build a library and I promise I am working on it, however there is something important I want to talk about and isn't that what a blog is for? I want to talk about kids and this horrible habit well meaning people have of putting their noses in some VERY personal business, kids. Specifically the having of said children.

 People Without Children

     When you have been married for a year or more it is not uncommon to start hearing the question "so when are you guys gonna have kids?" It seems like a fairly innocent question, but is it? Would you answer if someone asked when you plan to have sex? No? I am shocked! You don't want to talk about your sex life with people, but isn't that EXACTLY what you ARE asking them to do? Babies are not delivered by storks people. Asking when are you going to have kids is a lot like asking "so when are you going to have lots and lots of sex." To someone who is not currently thinking about having kids the question is extremely invasive.

     To further this point you have no idea what is going on with the couple you are asking. Maybe one of them feels ready for parenthood but the other partner isn't ready to give up Pants Free Friday or doesn't feel they are ready for parenthood. You could be bringing to the public a point of contention between the couple which is just as not cool as asking when they are going to have sex. It is also possible that both of them know without a doubt they don't want children. Maybe one or both of them have health or mental issues they don't want to pass on to their children. Or maybe they just don't like kids. Don't get offended kids are not for everyone. They are messy, loud, unintentionally rude, and take up all of your time. If someone KNOWS they are not equipped to handle the chaos of being a parent good on them for knowing themselves. What is more tragic choosing not to have children or having kids and secretly resenting them?

      And speaking of tragic what if they are trying and just not able to? When you ask this question you could unintentionally be rubbing salt into a wound. I know when me and Papasaurusrex decided we were going to "stop not trying to have kids" (yes that is what we called it, and I will explain why in a minute) we didn't make a public announcement. We kept things very quiet. Why? I have PCOS which can make it very hard if not impossible to have children. If we couldn't conceive I didn't want the to add public shame at my failure to our private heartbreak. We got extremely lucky. After 9 years of no oopsie pregnancies and several doctors telling me it would be harder and harder to conceive as the years passed we got pregnant in the first month, but not everyone is so lucky. But you can see where this question though well meaning was always a sting to my pride.

People With One Child

     When you finally have a child there is a small part of you that breaths a sigh of relief. You will no longer have to answer the dreaded "when are you going to have kids" question. You are now part of the parent club and barring tragedy they can't kick you out. You get an awesome little being that you get to watch and teach and mold into a full fledged person. There really is no way to describe how amazing being a mom is to me. But let's be honest for a minute moms and dads. As rewarding as being a parent is it is also hard, often beyond disgusting work that doesn't actually end until you are dead. Stop fooling yourself into thinking it ends at 18. Once you are a parent you are a parent for LIFE. You will always worry about them, be there for them, and be ready to bury the body of the jerk who broke your babies heart. But before you ever get to that stage there is cleaning up puke, washing poop off of their backs (sometimes the walls), having them wipe boogers on your bare leg because you took too long getting a tissue. There is the fun stuff too: playing with them, snuggling, discovering you can teleport across a playground to catch them before they hit the ground after they walk off a play structure. It is the most incredible journey we will ever go on. This parent club is pretty great.  

     Well right around Cutes Patoots first birthday the "when are you going to have another one" question started. Now that she is two and a half it is getting more frequent. Besides the return of feeling like I am being asked about our sex life (sometimes by complete strangers) I often feel they are asking me to give something precious up. Having another child will irrevocably change our relationship with Cutes Patoots. She will no longer have our undivided attention, leaving the house will take even longer and more planning, everything gets more complicated and we all lose the current dynamic. Call me selfish if you must but I don't want to lose what I have with her. I love that she can be the center of our lives. Would I love another child just as much? Probably but they too will never get the part of me Cutes has. For me it is not fair to her or the second child. 

      Also  I HATED being pregnant and I do mean hated. I hated waddling. I hated not knowing for sure if I still had feet or if I had actually managed to shave my entire leg or just patches of it. I hated having to have Papasaurusrex line my sandals up so I could put them on and still managing to mess it up. There were 50 million things about being pregnant I didn't enjoy. For me it was like eating a huge box of stale Cracker Jacks but with a much cooler prize in the box so to speak. By the end of my pregnancy I was ready to do jumping jacks if it would get the baby out. I am not sure I am willing to go through all of that again. And lets be clear I did not have a complicated pregnancy. I don't know what I'd have done if I had been put on bed rest. Some of you will call me crazy but giving birth was less painful to me than the proceeding 9 months. No seriously. If I could just give birth and skip the pregnancy part I would be far more willing to consider having a second child.

     When I tell my friends or well meaning strangers that we are not planning to have more children I am then inevitably told "It's easier with two." I am onto you parents of multiples. I figured it out. The "it's easier" line is a joke for those with only one kid. The punchline is when they have a second child and it is in fact NOT easier, it is just different. Yes with the second child you don't have the same learning curve. If we choose to have a second child I wouldn't need anyone to teach me how to change a diaper, there are things I would add/not add to my registry this time, tricks for getting them to sleep/brush their teeth/etc, but the fact remains you are now responsible for TWO little people who don't fully understand how dangerous the world is or how gravity works. I will need to not only employ my new teleportation superpower on a daily basis but also learn how to be in two places at the same time. I don't see how it will be easier and over the last 2.5 years I have learned when other parents make promises of things getting easier what they actually mean is they get different. I have yet to find a single stage of Cutes Patoots life to be easier than the last. It's a lot like the highest stake video game on the planet, each level gets progressively harder but old obstacles no longer phase us. In that regard it does get 'easier,' but overall it just gets different.

People With Three or MORE

     This is not a problem I have personally (so this section will be short) but I have witnessed it. Mom's with one or two kids whispering on the playground about the family of five, making snarky comments about birth control. Hey I have been the one to make snarky comments to myself or my husband but I recently reset my own thinking. how unfair that I want people to respect our choice to have just one, but we have a hard time respecting those with more than two kids. Here is the thing maybe that mom LIKES being pregnant and loves having babies. Maybe they WANT a huge family. Maybe they were all surprises but honestly 3, 5, 19 as long as a couple can support each child's physical and emotional needs it really is no one's business how many children they have.And if you happen to  have a toddler you might want to shift your attention to what they are doing and enjoying the choices you have made instead of making comments about another family's choice.

Conclusion

     In the end choosing to have or not to have kids is a VERY personal decision. Choosing how many kids to have is an equally personal decision. A person or couple is not selfish because they are not willing to give up being able to grab a backpack and go traveling through Europe on a whim to become a parent. I actually feel very strongly that it is a wise person who asks if they are willing to sacrifice being able to just go without a plan, give up their body at least for a time, and be completely responsible for another person. Because if the answer to any of those questions is 'no' they might want to reconsider having kids. We swore having a baby didn't have to change anything. We were naive and foolish. It changes EVERYTHING. I would do it a hundred times over to have Cutes Patoots, but I am not sure I want to do it for another child. Neither of us are.

     The kid questions are extremely personal. I really think we should stop asking them. They are often used as small talk but a couples sex life should not be idle chatter. You could be hurting their feelings or putting pressure on them to do something they don't want to do. Every person feels their life is fulfilled by different things. Next time you feel the need to ask "when are you going to have kids/another one" pinch yourself and talk about the weather instead. If you slip up and the words leave your lips accept their answer. Don't tell them "they will change their mind," "it's easier," "Have you tried X brand of birth control." They have heard it all before. If you want someone to respect your choices in life it starts by accepting theirs. Remember families come in different shapes and sizes.

How to Make Books Their Favorite Toy

 

      I LOVE to read. Before Cutes Patoots was born it was not uncommon for me to finish 4-5 books a week in addition to my school work. I'm not talking 100 page novels either. I would swallow 4-5 400 plus page books in a week. Since her birth there hasn't been less reading. It is just changed to parenting articles on the computer, cookbooks, or comic books I can easily put down because lets face it I can't spend an entire day swallowing a novel anymore. Though I did manage to read the entire Hunger Games series in a little less than a week. Lots of late nights there. I just couldn't put them down (who needs sleep? I'll sleep when she's married...maybe.) Anyway the point here is I am an avid reader. As such it should come as no surprise that I want my daughter to have the same love of books. Books open whole worlds and encourage imagination as well as build language skills. To people who aren't avid readers they often don't quite grasp how words on a page can become real to people who truly love them. I want Cutes Patoots to join me on these fantastic adventures.  

 

     BUT I had no idea how to do this when I found out I was pregnant and yes between worrying about having no clue how to put a diaper on a baby, what on earth does a newborn really need, and "OH MY GOD WHERE DID MY FEET GO! They were JUST there!!!!!" I was thinking about books. Papasaurusrex and I both agreed when we found out I was preggo that we would start her library immediately by buying her one book a month. We have faithfully kept with this for almost 3 years. Every month she gets at least one book, sometimes more from us. We told our friends and family about this and all the grandmas have been on board the build the baby a library train and purchased books for her, some by the paper box full. And I LOVE it, but more importantly SHE loves it! We always have something to read. Do we occasionally get hung up on a particular book? Yes. Please don't ask me Who Is Huckle (thank you Wendy's for that) and if you ask me to recite Llama Llama I will start by asking you which book, but there are always new books to read together and old books to enjoy again (and again. AND again).

     Has all of this helped? Well at 2 years old she is beginning to recognize certain words and telling her own stories. It is not uncommon in our house for her to walk away from a cartoon and start bringing over book after book for one of us to read with her. We used to have the hardest time getting her to brush her teeth. Until we started reading books about teeth. When the problems brushing re-emerged because she wanted to do it we started reading her a book to keep her brushing long enough (yes this works). Our biggest bedtime problem? She wants us to read another story (we cap her at 3). After we leave the room she wants a light left on so she can look at her books until she falls asleep. She even 'reads' to our cat and dog. I am not telling you this to brag about how amazing our child is. In terms of actual reading skill she has about 4 words I know she recognizes consistently. So if you are reading this article hoping to turn your kidlet into a reading prodigy by one years old I got nothing for that. If however you want to engender a love of books in your little one I do have some advice on that.

Start Early! It's never too early to start. I remember reading my text books out loud while I was pregnant, reading with Cutes Patoots in the middle of the night before she could even hold her head up. I remember laying on the floor reading with her during tummy time. I also remember feeling incredibly silly because "what is she getting out of this exactly?" The answer was apparently way more than I thought. I was particularly glad for having built a library at this stage because I wasn't limited on reading material.

Build a Personal Library! If you are pregnant and reading this start your little ones library now. Have a newborn? Start their library now! Infant? I think you get the point. If you have a toddler it's not too late to build their personal library up. Make a commitment to buy one book a month. It doesn't even have to be a new book. You can buy books at thrift stores, yard sales, used book stores, Amazon has a great used book program. Some libraries even sell old library books and bonus that money is put back into the library. Speaking of....

Go to the Library! Pick a day every week that you go to the library. If your library has a story time that works with your schedule go to that. The kids get to hang out with other kids and hear stories. At our library they also get to do a free craft and sing silly songs. The most awesome thing about this? It's free. We go every week. Partially because we have already read all the books from the previous week but also because this give us time to read together and pick out books together while having zero stress about what I 'should' be doing. When I am at the library with Cutes Patoots I am doing exactly what I should be according to the weekly routine. We like to go to story time early to pick out books and read together while everyone else arrives. More than once I have had other kids come over to sit with us while we wait for the librarian.

Create a Space for Reading! Cutes Patoots has several places in the house where she has books. She has some of her more advanced books we keep in the office, in her bedroom is a small collection of board and bedtime specific books, but in her playroom I have a nook that is set up just for her to enjoy her books in. She has a 3 shelf book case and a chair. Papasaurusrex bought her 2 IKEA LOVA bed canopies for Christmas that we used to turn the area into a cozy little jungle nook for reading. I often find her sitting in either her elephant chair or a wicker rocking chair that was mine as a child with books scattered about as she finds the story she wants. She loves to lounge in this space and look through her books. She 'reads' herself stories based on the pictures and what she knows of the books by heart. It is one of her favorite spaces in her playroom.

  
Read Together! This one I can not stress enough. If they bring you a book, barring things that truly cannot wait, read it with them. I cannot tell you the number of books I have read with Cutes Patoots while sitting on the toilet (TMI I know, but you're a parent or going to be soon. Babies and toddlers aren't so good with the personal space and time thing.) I almost never refuse to read with her. I have stopped doing homework, I have ended unimportant phone calls, read her stories while on the phone with my mom, paused movies, or totally missed favorite TV shows.  Does it sometimes get aggravating? Meh, sometimes. But it has sent the message to her loud and clear that books are important. One night she brought me 30 different books. We would read a book and she'd go get another one. Over and over. We read every book she brought despite having a ton of homework. That night when bedtime came she still got her teeth brushing story and you better believe she got all 3 bedtime stories. Enjoy this time. Yes there are dishes that need done, laundry that needs folded, homework to do, but kids will pick up on whether or not you enjoy reading with them.

Read WITH Them! Have you noticed  the use of the word 'with.' I have read a lot of articles that talk about reading TO your children, once I get into the meat of the article what they really mean is to read WITH them. There is a difference. Reading TO them means you read the words on the page. Reading WITH them means you ask questions and involve them in the story. Things like "What color is the truck?" "What sound does the cow make?" "What do you think is going to happen?" Cutes Patoots has a book called Little Tiger Picks Up. In the story Little Tiger roars twice. I let Cutes make the sound and praise her for her fierce roar. This is reading WITH her. She is not a passive observer but an active participant. And don't think that reading with them has to wait until they can talk. You can ask questions and involve them in the story from day one. Simply ask the question and wait for them to wave that cute little newborn fist or make a cooing sound. Then say something like "Exactly the fire truck is red." or pretend they got the answer wrong. Have fun with it. Initially yes, you will be answering the question. The idea though at this point is to start teaching them the give and take as well as giving you practice for the toddler years when you say "what color is the fire truck," and they respond with "color is purple fire. Punzel on fire." and Rapunzel isn't even in the story.

Make Reading Part of YOUR Routine! This reading thing goes deeper than just reading with your child. You also need to let them see you reading. By reading for yourself you reinforce the idea that reading is important. You don't have to read literary classics or 1000 page novels. It can be magazines, cookbooks, or comic books. Hey even blog posts but let them see you reading. Kids notice what you do (and don't do). As cliche as it sounds actions really do speak louder than words, especially when you are dealing with kids. They are learning how to be a person by observing everything that is going on around them: what they see on tv, at the park, at school, from friends. But far and away the ultimate example of how to be and act starts with mom and dad.

Hopefully with these tips you can make books your little one's favorite toy and make going to a book store more exciting than Toys R Us. Next week I will talk more about how to go about building a personal library for your little one and some of our favorite books. (Spoiler Alert we love Llama Llama or as she says Llam-Llam.)

Family Field Trips: Bonding Time for the Family

   The family and I had a wonderful adventure at The Oasis Camel Dairy recently . Yes you heard me correctly we went to a camel dairy.  It is a relatively small operation here in Southern California. We had a chance to ride a camel, get up close and pet them. There were horses and sheep, and a whole menagerie of birds and we got to learn all about the animals from the farms owners. It was a very interesting day for all of us and I think we all learned something new and I am all about educational experiences not only for Cutes Patoots but also myself and Papasaurusrex. (Just because we are adults doesn't mean we know everything despite what we tell her.) If you live anywhere near I highly recommend joining their email list to find out when they are having a public tour date (as I said this is a smaller operation and it is an actual WORKING camel dairy, not just a tourist spot. So they are only open for public tours on select days.)

     This is not our first family field trip.We frequently go to zoos, marine parks, aquariums, and museums.  I love to take her to these places. Some people probably think I am a little crazy because what are the chances she will remember any of this? Honestly slim and I know it, however I feel that by exposing her to these things early she is much more predisposed to enjoy them later. You know during those teenage years when kids hate everything? I am hoping that by instilling a love of these field trips now we can still bond over them later. We use these family field trips as a chance to unwind from the daily grind but they are also amazing family bonding time. We are not focused on work, school, the never ending list of chores, but instead we are focused on each other and enjoying something interesting and new together. At the end of the day we ask questions like "what was your favorite part of the day?" "Did you learn anything you didn't know?" While Cutes is too young to really answer most of these questions with any sort of depth she often replies with one or two words or a whole slew of rapid fire toddler verbiage we struggle to keep up with. Our field trips end up sparking some rather interesting conversations and help us reconnect.

     Something we like to do that encourages conversastion for days afterwards is to pay for some of the "upgrades" at these various places. I know I lost half of you right there as you think about the hundreds of dollars that must cost. I promise you it doesn't have to. When we went to the San Diego Zoo recently I did some research in advance and found out that for $10 you can feed the giraffes. Get in line early to buy a ticket to feed them though as they only sell a very limited number of tickets. At Sea World we like to feed the rays. When we went to the camel dairy this weekend I paid the $15 for me and Cutes to ride the camel. It doesn't always take a lot of extra money to add something special to a trip. It does however require a bit of research in advance. Usually when you get to a park or zoo they really promote their most expensive packages. I always like to visit our destinations website and use their "Plan You Trip" tools.Generally speaking the parks have some sort of experience that is under $20 if you look for it. Are they necessary to have a good time? No. We have been to plenty of places and not paid for upgrades as well but I have never been disappointed when we have had that little extra. I think with a toddler it also makes the experience more exciting than just looking at a bunch of stuff. They can look at stuff in their own yard. They don't get to do things like feed giraffes. Toddlers are a hands on bunch and being allowed to touch and interact makes the whole trip more real in their minds. Weeks later and Cutes is still cuddling her "camoo" and still "wikes camoos."
   
     Overall the camel dairy was a great day. We got to experience the camels and then drove up a little ways and got pie and cider while we basked in the afterglow of the day. I really love where we live because their are so many options for cultural, social, and other educational experiences. But you don't have to live in a big city to find stuff like this. A simple Google search for "things to do with kinds in (your town)" will reveal the various offering in and around your area. With a little planning and a little research you can have your own family field trips with lasting memories.

    

Cooking With Two Year Olds

     Yes can it be done! It is actually fast becoming a 'thing' in our house. It really started months ago. Cutes Patoots has a play kitchen  I set up so I could keep an eye on her while I was cooking in the kitchen. Any time I was in the kitchen cooking she began "cooking" in hers. It was darling. Then a few weeks ago I was making falafel. It's kind of a lengthy process so I started working on dinner as soon as Cutes woke up from her nap. She came into the kitchen and started trying to push buttons on my food processor and saying "I help." It dawned on me then that she was ready. So I got her a chair to stand on (we have since moved to a much safer step stool), but I was unprepared and taken a bit off guard. Despite not really being ready with a toddler friendly recipe I thought it was a great opportunity to get her involved. She was thrilled and that night pleased as punch to have helped make dinner. After a first fairly successful venture I set out to make cooking with mommy easier, safer, and more involved.


Here are some tips for making it possible (fun AND educational).

5 Tips for Cooking with Toddlers

1) Simplicity. A simple recipe is far more likely to keep a two year olds' attention than something complex that takes an hour to prepare and another 45 minutes to cook. I went to my local library's website and looked for kid's cookbooks. I found this one which has a Disney Princess theme. I really like this one. It has some interesting recipes including hummus, a curry, muffins, and a few things like scrambled eggs that you don't really NEED a recipe for but the book seems to make it feel more special to Cutes. So I will be buying this cookbook. The princess theme also makes it fun. I do encourage you though to checkout a book through your local library first. That way you can look over the recipes and see if it is something you and your little one enjoy. Think of it as a test drive. Keep in mind also that simple doesn't have to mean taste-less. If need be you can add a little extra flavor. When we made hummus we added a touch of paprika and fresh garlic.

2) Preparation. Gather your ingredients and tools BEFORE you invite your little one into the kitchen. When you are setting up a sensory activity you prep everything before you invite them to play. Same rule applies to cooking. Two year olds have limited attention spans. Do all of your prep first and you are much less likely to have to finish the cooking by your lonesome. This is another reason simplicity is key. You don't want to have your counters so full of ingredients and tools you can't actually cook. This is also where I tend to do all of my chopping so there aren't knives near small fingers. She knows it's time to come to the kitchen when I bring in the step ladder.

3) Talk. Talk about what you are doing and what you are having them do. Does the recipe call for a 1/2 cup of milk? Then say to your tot "and now we are measuring a 1/2 c of milk." Show them the 1/2 c mark on your measuring cup. Ask them "can you pour the 1/2 c of milk into the mixing bowl?" Just keep chattering. Chances are even if they don't say most of these words they do have a general understanding of what you are saying. This is a great chance to talk to your toddler and demonstrate some math concepts. I have a full set of cup measures but I would tell her things like we need 1 c of flour. Let's use 2 1/2 cups and that will make a whole cup. Does she completely get the concept now? No, but I am laying those foundations early. Cooking can be about more than just the food. It can teach children to follow directions, new vocabulary, math and motor skills as well as how to make tasty food and build their self confidence.

4)  Let Them Do It. While obviously you don't just want chaos in your kitchen and a two year old should not be allowed to do the cutting or operate the stove. There are a lot of things your two year old CAN do in the kitchen. Maybe you do the measuring but let them pour the ingredients. Let them push the buttons on the food processor, or stand mixer. If something doesn't require an exact measurement let them 'measure' it out. The idea is for them to help you in the kitchen so let them actually help you. Give them guidance by telling them what you want, demonstrate the task if they seem unsure but let them do the bulk of the tasks. This is why simplicity matters most. Two year olds are smarter than we often give them credit for. They will know if they are truly getting to participate or if you are placating them. Trust me. I tried that and it didn't work. Cutes Patoots wasn't happy until she was actually having a hand in the process.

5) Have Extras! Okay so this isn't always important but it very much can be. Whatever recipe you are making make sure you have a little extra on the tastier ingredients. Toddlers love to experience the world and it wasn't so long ago that most of that 'experience' was done via the mouth. Let them taste the individual ingredients that are safe for raw consumption. Not only does this take care of snack time but it also gives them a chance to see what everything tastes like separate and then later what it tastes like together. How the tastes change when heat is applied and how the texture changes. There are a lot of things that occur during the cooking process we don't think about as adults that are fascinating to kids.

6) Keep it fun. As with a lot of things with toddlers it is more about the process for them than the results. So have fun. If they lose interest in the actual cooking and just finish up but continue to offer them tasks. The look on their face when they taste their creation is worth any extra mess or 'misstep.'

8 Tips for Remodeling (Fairly) Painlessly with a Toddler

Excuse the phone pictures.

     We recently bought a house and absolutely love it. Well, most of it. We aren't sure what the previous owners were thinking when they installed fake saltillo tile with fake chicken prints
throughout the main living areas. It really baffles the mind. We knew the floors would be the first major remodel we would do. (Painting Cutes bedroom purple and installing new base boards was the first interior change we would make.) Tax time came and we bought the flooring and waited for the bamboo to acclimate. Papasaurusrex and I were really excited about getting rid of the old tile and having new beautiful bamboo floors (gorgeous, durable, and sustainable YAY!!). Papasaurusrex was even excited about the process of the remodel. He could barely contain his excitement about busting up that hideous, improperly installed tile. I on the other hand had extreme reservations. Toddlers are very much creatures of habit (and so am I).  This was going to put an extremely large kink in our routine. She is used to being able to get up and watch some cartoons while she eats breakfast and wakes up the rest of the way. She runs around and plays with her toys a good portion of the day. Stopping for lunch and a nap around noon. These things just did not seem possible during a major undertaking like removing and installing new floors. Not to mention it was finals week for me and I had enormous amounts of work to do. While I couldn't wait to HAVE the new floors the process of installing them had me sweating bullets.

See? Ugly tile.

     We made it though and honestly it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Yes there were some abbreviated naps and the first night Cutes slept in our bed because she was so freaked out by all the changes she didn't want to be alone. But all in all it worked out and after the first night she realized it was all going to be okay. (Seriously it took the dog longer to figure out we were not moving. I am still not convinced he doesn't think we are moving.) There were a couple of things we did that I think made it easier on all of us. remodeling in general is stressful. Add in a toddler who doesn't understand what's happening and it can easily become a nightmare and a dangerous one at that.


  
Tips:
1) Move the furniture at night. We moved the furniture at night after she had gone to bed. Yes, we had to do it as quietly as possible and yes, we were tired the next day. However this made it so the changes seemed to happen by magic and Cutes just accepted them. Truth be told at first she was excited and singing "happy day-o" at all the room for activities when she got up on demo day. The other benefit of doing it this way is you don't have a toddler under foot trying to be helpful. This helps protects them and you from injury.

Toddler 'helping'

2) Set up a 'Safe Zone.' We knew we were going to need somewhere to put Cutes that would be safe and help her maintain a modicum of normalcy. In light of this we turned our office into a pseudo-living room. We already have a couch in there but if we didn't we would have put one in there.  We also moved the entertainment center in there and hooked up the tv so she could still have her cartoons. When she got up on demo day we picked a few toys and put those in there as well. This gave us an area we could go to get away from the chaos that was indoors. I simply shut the door and tucked myself and Cutes in the room to keep away from the dust and danger that was in our living areas. At night when Papasaurusrex was done with working for the day or just needed a break the 'safe zone' was a nice respite from the construction zone. Having this one room allowed us to relax which kept us from being at each others throats.

3) Ask for help. We took any offer of help busting up tiles or installing floor boards. This made it so I could watch Cutes and keep her out of trouble without Papasaurusrex doing all of the work. Even with the power tools I don't know that he could have gotten the job done as quickly as he did without help. So don't be afraid to ask. If you have a friend that is going to be doing some remodeling soon offer to help them in exchange for helping you. If there are older teenagers or young adults in the family offer to pay them for their help. But whatever you do Ask. For. Help. Remodels are big jobs. Even what seems like a small job can turn into a 2 day affair. Painting Cutes bedroom took 2 days because once we got the new paint in we didn't want to put the old yucky base boards in.

4) Spend time outside. We spent a good deal of time during the remodel outside. It got Cutes and I out of the small room and into the fresh air. It also got us away from some of the jackhammer noise and gave me some time to look over and take care of our garden. Cutes had lots of time to play "basketball." And we got some much needed sunshine to de-stress. As our kitchen floor also needed replaced we had to do all of our cooking outside and also ate most of our meals out there. I am not saying I want to live like that all the time but it was nice. And again it was a nice break from the chaos and gave us time to be a family and remember why we were going through all the chaos.

5) Be Prepared for surprises and accidents. Watch some DIY home shows before you undertake your remodel. In every show during the remodel SOMETHING goes wrong. This isn't a case of dramatization it happens no matter how small a remodel you are doing something will go wrong. See may statement about painting Cutes Patoots bedroom. We had not originally planned to replace those base boards. The floor remodel was no different. In the course of breaking out the saltillo Papasaurusrex accidentally broke a tile on the riser that we weren't planning to take out. We also realized we needed more quarter round for the kitchen. We decided to change out the base boards because the ones that were in here were already in rough shape and they were also not installed properly. Once we did that suddenly the door casing to the master bedroom needed done too because it's in the center of a major living room wall. Small things we hadn't thought of. It happens but instead of stressing out about it we simply came up with a plan and did what needed done. We knew unexpected things were going to happen and while we were not sure what would happen we had extra money and patience on hand to deal with it. So be prepared for the unexpected and plan for more days than you think you need.

More 'helping'

6) Cook or Don't. I had all of these grand plans that we wouldn't eat out while we took care of the floors. Haha! Haha! Ha! Ha! I am still laughing at myself. While we didn't eat out the entire time we did a fair share of eating out. For one our stove was outside and the kitchen was covered in tile dust. Two we were both tired at the end of the day and quite frankly until we had all the old tile out making lunch was impossible. Tile dust is not good eats and cooking on the grill with a toddler is hard without a second person to keep Cutes out of trouble. Eating out happens. Just plan that you will eat some meals out. However keep in mind you don't have to eat all of your meals out. We grilled pizza, made chili dogs, sandwiches and a crockpot soup. Just check out Pinterest and look for grilling and crock pot meals. The crockpot is you friend. You can plug it up outside if you need to and the grill is a fabulous cooking tool. The grilled pizzas were awesome.

7)  Maintain Your Routine. No you are not going to be able to completely maintain your routine. It just isn't possible, but try to stick to it

as closely as possible. One thing we did that was helpful was whenever there was an errand I would run it around nap time. This gave Cutes a chance to rest during the days the jack hammer was going in the house. This may or may not be practical for you depending on how far you live from where the errands take you. We live a little ways away from most of the places I needed to go. A 15-20 minute nap is better than no nap. Not optimal but better. Once the jack hammer work was done we kept to her routine as much as possible and put Cutes down in her bed at nap time. We also made sure she went to all of her classes and activities just like any other week (well as much as we could. It was spring break so dance class was cancelled and there was no story time at the library. Though we still went to the library.) This helped mitigate the impact it had on Cutes and kept
her from losing her mind.

8) Remember you love each other. This might be the most important tip. I had a heavy homework load and I handle routine disruption with the grace of a two year old. I was stressed out, Papasaurusrex was stressed out, and Cutes was too. The thing that I think really got us through the whole process was  remembering we love each other even when we snapped or snarked at each other. We tried to help each other out when it was possible and stay out of each others ways when that was what was called for.

     Did we have a flawless remodel and never snap at each other? Did we completely avoid any toddler melt downs and insecurities? No. However I think the whole process went far better than I had imagined. The floors are beautiful and I would do it all again knowing the result we would get. Our next big remodel plan is for the kitchen though that is a ways off. I am far less nervous about that undertaking now than I was before. There is little you can do during a remodeling project to maintain a completely normal routine, but hopefully these tips will help it go more smoothly for you and your family.

Okay she was helpful here.

It was all worth it for these beautiful floors!

Toddlers are People Too

    So the other day I saw a mom lose it with her toddler. Hey I've lost it too, but never to this extent. I actually saw the woman slap her daughter's mouth to get her to stop yelling no. I thought this was uncalled for. She didn't hit her hard and far be it for me to judge another parent's choice as I don't know the full extent of her situation but for me it seemed too far (and surprise it wasn't effective.) I couldn't help but think if someone did that to me what my reaction would be. I determined it would not be pretty.
     I am not against what we will call traditional methods of discipline. A very light swat on the diaper can get a toddler's attention and help them understand you mean business, but I do feel that when we have to resort to disiplinary measures we need to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Yes they are tiny and lets face it fairly incompetent, but they are supposed to be. It is our job to teach them how to use a spoon and fork properly, that pee goes in the potty not their pants, that while rain boots are cool they might not be the best footwear on a 100 degree day. And I think as parents, whether you stay at home or work, because toddlers are not capable of taking care of themselves we tend to forget that they are actually just small, adorable, often frustrating people. They have likes, dislikes, good days and bad. They also have dreams and ideas. These are all good things. Even when their desires run completely counter to ours it is still a good thing in that they are developing their personality and sense of identity. Want a kid that doesn't jump off the bridge when all the other kids do? Well unfortunately to get that kid you are going to have some toddler battle of the wills as you teach them that they have choices. They then learn that those choices have consequences. All good lessons to start teaching early as it seems to me they are harder to teach later on.
     So when it comes to discipline I feel it is important to TRY to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Here is what I mean. Lets go back to the woman and her daughter. I wonder if she was dealing with another adult  if she would still have popped them in the mouth. I seriously doubt it. I know I wouldn't. Instead I would just walk away. While you can't completely walk away from your toddler out in public you can take a few steps, maybe even give them your back. I know when I have done this with Cutes it ends whatever fit she was throwing. No point in yelling if you think no one is listening. My point here is though if whatever you are considering using as a disciplinary measure is not something you would do when handling another person perhaps it's time to think a moment and come up with a measure more suited to proper social interaction. As I mentioned earlier toddlers learn from us how to navigate the world this includes social skills. How you handle them when they are frustrating you will reflect in how they handle YOU and others when you are frustrating them. Toddlers favorite thing to do it copy you after all.
     So lets try to treat our toddlers like people. Say "Thank you,"  when they do something you asked them too (yes even if it took you asking 55 times) or when they hand you something (yes even poop), say "You're welcome," to them when they say "Thank you," ask for their opinions on things, acknowledge their feelings as valid, and when they are acting up try to use methods that still respect them as a person. If you wouldn't do it to someone else than try to come up with an alternative that you would. As adults we know the social mores and need to teach these to our children. The lessons start with how we treat them.

A Bunny In the Garden

      Spring is upon us and in our household we have been very busy. Now that we own our own home we decided to put in a full garden. We decided the garden should be a family endeavor, after all we will all benefit from it. It also gives us a chance to teach Cutes Patoots about where the vegetables she eats come from. As well as patience (okay not really) but it does teach her about caring for living things. In the spirit of this we bought her her very own gardening set (gloves, a trowel, a gardening fork, watering can, and a bucket to keep it all in). Because Cutes just turned 2 we chose to go with plastic instead of metal. I also bought her a packet of butterfly flower seeds, and a wide shallow pot to plant them in. She gets her own flower garden and I will hopefully get either butterflies or some bees to pollinate the big garden. She had a blast planting the seeds and helping me to break up the potting soil. Well gardening has it's issues and our biggest one are the jack rabbits. They have already killed a couple of my smaller plants. Apparently "Bunny did it" is a theme in my life.
     This brings us to our sensory project. In honor of the weather warming and our new garden (and pests) I wanted to do something with a spring theme. I took to Pinterest looking for inspiration. I found this activity over at Mama Miss. I knew immediately I wanted to do something similar. The next morning I made a quick trip to Dollar Tree to pick up the carrot "eggs" and low and behold they even had some eggs shaped like bunnies. I also picked up 4 16oz bags of dried black beans.
      When I got home I wanted to make the bin about more than just exploring the beans and gardening but I also wanted to talk about the differences in layers of soil. I still had about 30 oz of colored rice we used in the fall for a different sensory bin that was still in usable/playable condition. I added this to the bottom of a bin and placed all my carrots. I then added the beans, the rabbits, a shovel we had, and a few containers and waited for her to wake up. While I waited I thought that perhaps since this was all about gardening we should do the activity outside in the glorious spring weather and I set up this invitation for her.

 

 Here she is accepting my invitation:

       In the process of getting busy being a toddler I talked to Cutes Patoots about the differences in soil and how it changes as you dig deeper. Sure enough she decided to dig deeper.

A Bunny in the Garden Sensory Bin

Materials:

1. Black Beans or really any dry bean works. It might also be interesting with cooked beans (I used 4 16oz bags)
2. Uncooked Rice (I used colored rice from a previous bin, I think it was 3 16oz bags worth)
3. Something carrot shaped (I used Easter carrot eggs which you can find all over the place right now)
4. Something bunny shaped (again I used Easter eggs)
5. A Shovel 
6. Some small containers/cups
7. A large clear bin to hold it all

     NOTE: If you are going to do different soil types I highly recommend putting in the first layer of soil and then the carrots to keep the layers from mixing.

     After you do the about 5 minutes of prep set the bin somewhere for your little one to explore. I recommend outside if at all possible. The beans will fly! This is a great opportunity to talk to your tike about things like gardening, beans, soil types, growth and a great chance to expose them to language.

  This activity was a great success with Cutes Patoots. She was busy digging, scooping, and picking up beans in her pincer grasp for over an hour and it was fun for me to talk to her and just watch as she explored all the different elements in the bin. It was a really fabulous time.

Bunny Did IT!

     So as you may have noticed there has been a name change to Pregopotamus and Baby Girl. This blog was started long before Cutes Patoots had even an inkling of speaking and Pregopotamus was always a place holder in my mind. Recently Cutes Patoots has been going through a language explosion while simultaneously becoming more and more interested in what goes on on TV and well what goes on in general. She is in to everything and nap time can be a battle if I decide to engage but as long as she is in bed I am going to let it gooooooooooooo. (Yes I went there.) Recently Disney Junior released a new show called Kate and Mim Mim. For those of you that haven't seen it the show is about a little girl (Kate) and her stuffed "funny bunny friend," (Mim Mim). When Kate is alone with Mim Mim he comes to larger than life

and the two go on grand adventures that ultimately help Kate solve a problem in her real life. Cutes is hooked. She has her own stuffed bunny who she loves dearly pictured above. So one afternoon after allowing her to watch Kate and Mim Mim I put Cutes down for her nap. I could hear her playing in

her room talking to Bunny and squeaking around. After about an hour I went in to remind her she was supposed to sleep. On opening the door I realized her once neat and tidy room was a huge mess. Clothes were pulled out of drawers. Her bow box was dumped out with all of her small hair things

spilled all over the floor. Some of her dresses were pulled off hangers and there was a mine field of stuffed animals littering the floor as well. In the bed Cutes Patoots is standing holding Bunny by the hand while bouncing. I could have yelled. I could have threw a fit, bit instead I calmly asked "What happened in here?" Her response was very clear and very simple, "Bunny did it!" I should probably
have been made at the what to a parent appears to be a bald faced lie, but in her mind Bunny did indeed do it. Her and Bunny were clearly on a grand adventure. Cutes Patoots and Bunny helped me put things back up and then she and Bunny drifted off to the land of Nod for over two hours. But that was when the idea of changing my blog that is about her and our adventures with her to Bunny Did It. After all I have a feeling Bunny will do many more things. He is a wascally wabbit after all.

Toddler Fish Crafting

     A few months ago I was looking at the idea of preschool for Cutes Patoots. A few hours of the day to myself to work on homework sounded like a good idea and Cutes would learn so much. But then I looked at the tuition for a moderately decent preschool and I am pretty sure my eyes are never going to go back in my head properly. $300 a week for 4 hours 3 days a week! I am sorry but that is insane to teach kids their colors, shapes, letters, and numbers especially when I know I can teach her those basics. All I was gaining was a few hours to myself and let's face it for the first month I'd have been the creepy mom hanging out in the bushes peering through the window. Cutes Patoots is my baby girl and sometimes I am convinced I have forgotten how to function sans baby. Some of you may think that is sad or crazy but keep in mind she is my only baby and is likely to be the only one I ever have. I want to soak up every giggle, every hug, every milestone, every tear and yes, even tantrum that I can. Having watched her progress over the last two years I have really realized that they grow up so, so fast. They go from baby to toddler in a blink (that could be the sleep deprivation but I don't think it is.) I suspect she will go from toddler to little girl before I realize it too. So the idea of paying someone huge sums of money to miss those special moments when I don't have to suddenly seemed like the stupidest idea I had ever had. But she still needs to learn her colors, numbers, letters and shapes. My solution was simple I would set aside an hour or so a day Monday-Friday to do crafting or activities with Cutes Patoots based on a theme, I would get books from the library about our weekly theme, and we could watch movies and discuss our theme at random intervals throughout the week. This week's theme is fish and the letter F. Outlined below are a few of the things we did this week.

1.       We read the book The Rainbow Fish and then created our own rainbow fish.This craft is very free form and the preparation is simple. I took a paper plate and cut out a wedge for the mouth and gathered the rest of my supplies.

       What You'll Need:

• paper plate
• scissors
• a coffee filter
• cupcake liners (optional, you can also use the cut out wedge to create fins)
• Washable markers
• Spray bottle of water
• white glue
• paint brush (also optional, I put the glue in a cup and let Cutes paint it on)
• sequins, buttons, beads, tissue paper, glitter, foam stickers, basically anything goes. Left overs from previous crafting sessions are great even if they are out of season. I had some leaves left over from the fall she used.

     After I gathered my supplies I laid them out (except for the markers and coffee filter), separating the different types (no they didn't stay that way but it let her see what was available.) She immediately took to painting glue and sticking on sequins, leaves, stickers and anything she wanted. I handed her a spare googly eye and she glued that on too. Remember this part is free form. Just let them have at it. Cutes was suddenly very interested in sequins and was gluing those on like crazy. The only guidance/assistance I gave her was eventually I just painted the whole plate with glue because she forgot she needed the glue to make her doodads stick and got frustrated when they didn't stay where she put them. Other than that though it was all her choice.

      Once she was done gluing all of her beads, sequins and such I picked up all of the glue and doodads and handed Cutes Patoots the markers and coffee filter. I encouraged her to scribble to her her hearts content.The more they scribble the better this part will come out. So don't rush and just scribble. When she eventually lost interest in the markers we took the coffee filter to the kitchen and sprayed it with water to allow the colors to bleed. Once dry I folded the filter into quarters and stapled it on and folded the cupcake liners up and stapled those on as well. If using the wedge from your mouth cut out be sure to let your child decorate that piece as well. You could also use glue.We watched Finding Nemo while we waited for our filter to dry.

      2.      On another day we read In My Pond and created a fish bowl after using paper plates and
               contact paper. This is another one where you can  use extras you have on hand.

      What You'll Need:

•           2 paper plates
•           clear contact paper
•           construction paper
•           glue
•           scissors
•           stapler (optional, you could use glue and clamps)
•           tissue paper, construction paper, sequins, whatever you happen to have

     Before sitting down to read I did all of my prep work which wasn't much. I cut out a fish shape from orange construction paper, and some free form shapes in green and red for coral and seaweed. (Cutes just turned 2 a few days ago and is not ready to operate scissors yet. If your child is older this can be adapted and they can do the cutting) I then cut the center from one plate and glued a cut to fit piece of contact paper to the plate (sticky side in so you can use the adhesive to stick stuff on the "glass" on the inside) and then removed the paper backing. Me and Cutes then glued torn blue tissue paper to the second non-cut out plate for water. Once that was done came the fun. I let Cutes go to town gluing decorations to both plates. Yes I will be finding sequins in my living room from now until she is 18 but she had a blast. Once she was bored gluing I I stapled the two plates together so you can see the blue through the contact paper. We wrapped up that afternoon with cuddles and The Little Mermaid.

These are just two of our units from this week. While we did each craft we discussed thing we knew about fish and the various colors of the objects she was gluing. We also talked about the story we just read. At 2 she is very talkative but if your little one doesn't want to talk just keep up the chatter yourself. I always ask questions and give her the opportunity to reply. If I ask something about the fish and she gives a one word answer I then try to reuse her word in my next sentence. So if I ask "What is this?" and she says "Orange." My response maybe something like "Yes some fish ARE orange." Of course this doesn't work when she just gives a random word like "pretzel," but do try to use whatever she gives as an answer some context. We are hoping to end our week with a field trip to a local aquarium. I always love when we end with a field trip. We will go on the weekend and this gives Papasaurusrex a chance to take part in "preschool."
     I will eventually give up some control and let her go to a formal preschool, probably around 4 to help her adjust to not having me around all the time, but for now I am content to be with her and watch her grow and learn every moment of her day.