Toddlers are People Too

    So the other day I saw a mom lose it with her toddler. Hey I've lost it too, but never to this extent. I actually saw the woman slap her daughter's mouth to get her to stop yelling no. I thought this was uncalled for. She didn't hit her hard and far be it for me to judge another parent's choice as I don't know the full extent of her situation but for me it seemed too far (and surprise it wasn't effective.) I couldn't help but think if someone did that to me what my reaction would be. I determined it would not be pretty.
     I am not against what we will call traditional methods of discipline. A very light swat on the diaper can get a toddler's attention and help them understand you mean business, but I do feel that when we have to resort to disiplinary measures we need to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Yes they are tiny and lets face it fairly incompetent, but they are supposed to be. It is our job to teach them how to use a spoon and fork properly, that pee goes in the potty not their pants, that while rain boots are cool they might not be the best footwear on a 100 degree day. And I think as parents, whether you stay at home or work, because toddlers are not capable of taking care of themselves we tend to forget that they are actually just small, adorable, often frustrating people. They have likes, dislikes, good days and bad. They also have dreams and ideas. These are all good things. Even when their desires run completely counter to ours it is still a good thing in that they are developing their personality and sense of identity. Want a kid that doesn't jump off the bridge when all the other kids do? Well unfortunately to get that kid you are going to have some toddler battle of the wills as you teach them that they have choices. They then learn that those choices have consequences. All good lessons to start teaching early as it seems to me they are harder to teach later on.
     So when it comes to discipline I feel it is important to TRY to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Here is what I mean. Lets go back to the woman and her daughter. I wonder if she was dealing with another adult  if she would still have popped them in the mouth. I seriously doubt it. I know I wouldn't. Instead I would just walk away. While you can't completely walk away from your toddler out in public you can take a few steps, maybe even give them your back. I know when I have done this with Cutes it ends whatever fit she was throwing. No point in yelling if you think no one is listening. My point here is though if whatever you are considering using as a disciplinary measure is not something you would do when handling another person perhaps it's time to think a moment and come up with a measure more suited to proper social interaction. As I mentioned earlier toddlers learn from us how to navigate the world this includes social skills. How you handle them when they are frustrating you will reflect in how they handle YOU and others when you are frustrating them. Toddlers favorite thing to do it copy you after all.
     So lets try to treat our toddlers like people. Say "Thank you,"  when they do something you asked them too (yes even if it took you asking 55 times) or when they hand you something (yes even poop), say "You're welcome," to them when they say "Thank you," ask for their opinions on things, acknowledge their feelings as valid, and when they are acting up try to use methods that still respect them as a person. If you wouldn't do it to someone else than try to come up with an alternative that you would. As adults we know the social mores and need to teach these to our children. The lessons start with how we treat them.