Dad: What You Can Do

     So you've noticed (or maybe not noticed) your partner is not her typical self. There are  dark circles under her eyes, her steps are lagging, shoulders slumped, and she is very short tempered. So what's causing this? The long and short of it is having a baby is wonderful but it is also exhausting and if she is a stay at home mom chances are she isn't getting the breaks she needs. While you are at work (admittedly not fun) she is at home working (yes baby IS work), when you come home and unwind after a long day at the office she is working, even when she is sleeping mommy is on call. You would be surprised to know how many times your partner wakes up in the night just to check on the baby. Then there are those late night feedings and diaper changes. She may not even remember how to turn it off, and probably needs your help (with gentle reminders) to do so. But what can you do? You probably feel lost and possibly like she does things better.

Try:

• Offering to take the baby for a morning or an afternoon. If she has a tendency to as my husband calls it "mother smother" take baby out of the house so she doesn't even have the opportunity to involve herself in baby care. Tell her to read a book, take a bath or nap, stare at a wall, whatever she wants that doesn't involve baby or dishes. (Maybe she does what a chance to do chores without worrying over baby)
• Making dinner or doing the dishes, vacuuming or folding laundry. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work, but that doesn't mean that chores disappear. They still need done. Chances are mom is behind on her to do list and it is driving her crazy, but when she has a "free" moment she can't muster the energy to do much of anything. (Trust me when she chooses to nap, read, or just surf the internet instead of vacuuming she feels guilty. But the idea of a minute to herself is nice, and she is loathe to risk waking the boss.) So help a mother out and take a task or two off of her plate. Sometimes even just watching the baby so mom can cook without worrying over the baby is enough to make things look a little brighter.
• Beating mom to it. Papasaurusrex is good about this. If he hears Cutes Patoots movement alarm go off or hears her crying before I do he will go take care of whatever it is that needs done. Sometimes if I wake up, he will tell me to go back to sleep while he gets it. Beating her to it during the night might be tricky though. It seems like becoming a mom triggers some sort of super hero powers in a mom and she knows the baby's breath hitched despite being in a dead sleep and in a separate room. But beating her to it can also be a day thing. She spends a good deal of time jumping up and down changing diapers, prepping bottles, grabbing toys, etc, so if baby starts to fuss jump up and help your little darling out. It will be a big help to your big darling. If you don't know what is wrong and can't figure it out try asking your partner. She may have a few tricks up her sleeve that she'd be more than happy to share. If she tries to do it for you wave her off and let her know you WANT to help and to let you do whatever it may be.
• Don't change things or spring surprises on her (unless it is a surprise trip to the spa). Sometimes things happen at the last minute at work. You can't help that. However make sure mom has as much warning as possible that you have to work Saturday or have a business trip next month. If she is counting on having your help and then finds out she isn't going to have it at the last minute she is more likely to feel irritated, especially if you have know for a month but don't tell her until the day before. Keep in mind though she may need a reminder.
• Doing what you say you will. If you promised to take the baby or go somewhere with the family, do it. Don't back out. It becomes very depressing to always feel like you are not a priority. Baby is always the number one concern in the house for mom, make sure she knows she is one of yours. It's not always convenient and sometimes you are tired too, but if you said you would go somewhere or do something, go to the zoo for example, it is possible she is really looking forward to it. Backing out may not seem like a big deal to you, but for her it can be heart breaking.
• When you go on an outing with the whole family don't leave all the care to mom. It's easy to do when you go on a trip to the store, but try to make sure you do it too when you are hanging with friends. Mom needs time to be social with people that can talk and don't just cry at her. Most places have either a family restroom or changing tables in the men's restroom these days (If it's not out in the open check the handicap stall). If you are at a store that doesn't have these facilities but has fitting rooms grab something off a rack and use the bench in the changing room.
• Telling her to get out of the house and you'll take care of the baby. If she says she doesn't know what to do tell her to get a hair cut, a manicure, pedicure, splurge on a pair of jeans or a shirt that makes her feel pretty. Chances are even if she has lost the majority of her baby weight her pre-pregnancy clothes don't quite work for her yet. Her body has changed and she may need to rethink her personal style and things like grooming take a backseat to baby. An afternoon or morning with just herself to think about might be just what she needs.
•  Not making statements about what she is eating. This sounds stupid, but sometimes seemingly harmless statements like "Wow that's a lot of food," or "You're eating THAT," can come across in a way you don't mean them. Mom is trying to lose weight, yes, and can use help, but reminding her of calories can be damaging. There are several factors at play here. The first is she is not getting proper sleep (yes a good majority of things come back to this). Food= energy. So if she is especially tired she may be inclined to eat more to make up for the lack of sleep. Second, she may not seem active to you but caring for a little one can be just as calorie burning as going for a long walk or short run. All the up and down, the lifting, carrying 20lbs of stuff in a diaper bag it's a work out. Also if she is nursing she is making food for a second person which  burns quite a few calories on its own. Statements like these can put her off her food, or cause her to eat less than she needs to which can damage her milk. So even if she is eating more than you try not to comment. As long as she is making progress towards her weight loss goals it's all good. If she isn't making progress try suggesting taking a walk or going for a swim instead of making comments on her food intake. The exercise will more than likely lead to her making better food choices on it's own. And remember you have no idea what she was able to eat when you weren't around. Dinner could be her first meal of the day. Don't judge her food. It will just make her angry.

     Most importantly don't forget to tell her she is beautiful even when she hasn't brushed her hair in two days and is wearing gym clothes because she couldn't manage with anything else. She works hard, even if it doesn't seem like it to you, I promise you she does. Even an hour break with you taking care of baby can leave her feeling refreshed. Baby can't say thank you, but you can. So make sure you tell her she is appreciated because it is easy to think you aren't.

My Favorite Baby Items

My dear Cutes Patoots has a lot of things. Many of them are great, but there are a few items that I am really happy to have. I'd keep checking this list as I will add to it until she is 6 months when I will make a new list for older babies. I provided links to the products that should open in a separate tab to make it easy for you.

• Fisher Price Cradle Swing Not every baby likes to swing. Mine LOVES it. I do recommend spending the extra money for the full size cradle swing instead of the more compact floor swing. Babies seem to like to be up and feel like they are part of things. We picked the Discover and Grow theme because of it's bright and high contrast colors. Babies love bright colors and for a while they have a hard time seeing the pastels. I also really like that the seat adjusts into a recline position AND a sitting position. Cutes Patoots is not quite ready for the high chair yet, or maybe I'm not, so the tray is nice when doing a feeding. Clearly you don't have to go with my model or even brand but I do STRONGLY suggest you get one that runs on batteries AND plugs into the wall, otherwise you may as well just buy stock in Duracell. The only down side is if you have a larger baby because the weight limit is 25lbs you will have to find a "replacement". We are currently in the market for something to replace the swing. We think we found one. I'll let you know how that goes.
• Fisher Price Whale of a Tub I can not tell you how much I love this tub. The bumper keeps baby from sliding, it's easy to clean, and cute to boot. They now also make a penguin tub along the same lines. The bumper is removable and to avoid mold and mildew remove it after each bath to dry after washing the tub out. I haven't found a down side yet. Even the price is nice. I am not a proponent of the sling tubs. I've heard to many stories that started with "I took my hand off to get the soap..." The baby is usually just startled, but mom or dad is horrified. Apparently as a baby I turned mine into a water slide regularly much to the horror of my mom and grandma. So my grammy thought this was brilliant and made sure I had this one. I also did my research. At the time I was looking this tub reviewed better than any other by actual users.
• Thermal Aid Bear I got this guy at Costco and have not regretted it. When Cutes gets her vaccines and runs that low grade fever this helps make her a bit more comfortable. When our A/C was broken for almost 2 weeks in June in Hawaii this bear helped me feel better about her having to sleep and live in 85 degrees. She likes to cuddle him and gets excited when ever she sees him. He is made of a nice terry cloth and is washable, always a plus in any baby item. He can be used as a hot or cold pack. We have the green one, though Thermal Aid makes them in a variety of colors and even other animals.
• Summer Infant Swaddlers and Halo Sleep Sacks I sucked at swaddling. Even as a newbie Cutes could escape a mommy swaddle in a heartbeat. The SwaddleMe wraps are the only reason I could swaddle her. My husband was an expert at the blanket swaddle, but if you have any doubts about your swaddle-fu get a few of these. Remember the rule of 3:one in the wash, one one the baby, one clean. And then have a swaddling sized blanket on hand as back up. Trust me baby poop happens and at 3 am that can be an issue when baby has peed on the one they were wearing, are wearing your back up, and the one from the night before is in the wash because you weren't quite quick enough the morning before. These are nice because baby will not docilely hold still for you to wrap them up at 3 am either, and no matter how tired you are I assure you the velcro will make sense. The Halo sacks are nice for when they are done being swaddled but aren't ready for a blanket. Just make sure with all of these that you have the right size for your child. When the SwaddleMe gets to small baby will be able to push with those tiny tootsies and break free. Summer Infant also makes wearable blankets, like the Halo ones, but theirs have a double zipper. Super nice for diaper changes.
• Tummy Time Mat We have two: the one on the link provided and a more simplistic one from Bright Starts . I liked having 2 because it gave her a change up and if one needed washed she could still have a tummy time mat. We started Cutes Patoots with tummy time and the play mat by week two or three. Pretty much as soon as I could get in the floor and "play" with her. Mostly they just lay there looking around as a newborn, but they quickly start trying to interact and you can use
  
  that clutching reflex to put toys in their hands. Just touch the toy to their palm and they will clench down and the light weight toy will move and make sound. We used a simple set of plastic keys or a Bright Starts rattle. I also liked the Lamaze wrist and foot rattles at play time. Small toys are great and most play mats will come with a few. Tummy time is important for babies to help them develop those core muscles they will need for rolling over, sitting up, crawling, etc. It also helps them to develop neck and back muscles for head control. The problem is not all babies enjoy it. So be sure to hang out with your little darling on the floor while they play. Your first few sessions may not go well, but keep at it. In the early days these sessions probably won't last longer than 10-15 minutes before baby is done. I always liked to start with her on her back for a few and then turn her over propping her with a provided tummy time pillow for a few more minutes. You can always use a blanket, but I loved my mats for color, and the Neptune Gym has the bars to hang toys in babies view. That is great for developing hand eye coordination once they start to swat at things.
•  Medela Pump in Style There are cheaper pumps out there but this one is worth every penny, especially if you are going to be pumping a lot. As I've said before I exclusively pump and my breast pump is a champ.  5 months in and it still works as good as the day I got it. A double pump is nice because it cuts your pumping time in half, if you are still in the pregnancy phase you may not realize how important that is. Let me put it this way; to build and maintain your supply you will be pumping every 3-4 hours 20-30 minutes on each side, that is 3-4 hours a day with a double pump. With a single pump you double that time, and believe me when I say 6-8 of pumping will destroy what "free" time you have. ( PLEASE do not let the time discourage you from pumping or breast feeding if you are able to. It really is what's best for baby.) Plus if you work it's much easier to ask for a half hour at a time then an hour. Other nice things about this pump is it is fairly easy to clean, though there is one spot that is a bit difficult and I do recommend having an extra set of shields, valves, and membranes. That way one set can be in the dishwasher. I tend to pump with one set a day, hand washing the pieces in between sessions. the fact it's in a tote is nice too because you can keep all of your pump stuff together and moving it from room to room is easier. I don't care for the Medela milk storage so I use Lansinoh Breast Milk storage bags and because we use the Playtex Drop-in Nursers I also like the Playtex Breast Milk Storage System. I have tried several brands of milk storage bag and found Lansinoh to be the easiest with fewer leaks and spills, plus the labels are easy to write on and read. The bottles we love because once you push the air out baby takes in very little air meaning less gas and trust me you want less gas. Another perk to the Drop-Ins is there are less parts to sterilize and the parts are easier to clean. Breast milk has a lot of fat which can leave a residue that can be hard to get out of a traditional bottle if you don't clean it out immediately, like say at 3 am when baby finishes a bottle and you fall asleep in your glider until 6 when they get up again and want fed.
• Bottle Huggers/Pets These are not necessary by any means, but we LOVE them. She also has this one. Why are these so great?
  
  This is why. They let baby hold on to their bottle and if you (against APA advisement...we all do it at some point) bottle prop it holds the bottle in place. Plus they are just so darn cute! We get compliments on these everywhere we go and they always ask where we got them. Her duck and turtle came from a place that no longer sells them, but you can get them and others on Amazon. Just search bottle pet or bottle hugger. Bonus they are machine washable.
• .   An Exersaucer This is not something you have to have immediately. Baby won't really use it until they have built stronger core muscles and have good head control. There are cheaper versions and more expensive ones. I wanted one with a lot of color because Cutes Patoots loves bright colors as I have said before. If you want something that will grow with them Evenflo has a great one that can be used as a play mat, exersaucer, and toddling play center. We got ours from some friends and Cutes Patoots took right to it, loving the new perspective on her world. It's also nice for me because she can play while I do homework or housework in the same room. Look for something with lots of busy, easy to use toys. Don't be afraid to buy second hand or except a freebie from friends here. This is one of those things that second hand is fine. Just make sure to wash it down because baby will put everything in their mouth.
• Travel System We got the Baby Trend jogging system for Cutes. I went with a jogging stroller because I planned to get back into walking and jogging once Cutes arrived and didn't see the point in having multiple strollers for a newborn. She was 3 weeks old when we did a 5k together. Our time was awful, but better than we expected. A travel system is nice though because the carseat carrier will click right into your stroller, no need to wake baby going from the car to stroller or stroller to car. I am also a big proponent of the infant carrier carseat because you don't have to wake your little darling to get them out of the car, and trust me waking baby is not something you will do lightly. They need their sleep.An over tired baby is not fun to deal with. I really like the stroller that comes with the Baby Trend system. It is easy to drive, even one handed. It collapses and expands with ease. All in all it is just very easy to use. The only down side is because it is a jogging stroller it does take up a lot of space, but its maneuverability even in tighter spaces is a bonus. Once she is sitting up on her own easily we will probably get her an umbrella stroller for most trips out of the house, reserving her Cadillac for jogging and places like the beach, where we will go off roading.
• Boppy These are great because you can use them to breast feed or bottle feed. They help insure proper positioning. You can also use them for tummy time, to help an infant sit up, and you will undoubtedly find other uses for this pillow as well. I also recommend getting the waterproof cover and a spare cover just in case.
• Baby Carrier A baby carrier is great, whether it is an afternoon at a zoo or you just need to vacuum. Baby wearing is also a great way to bond with baby. I recommend getting one that adjusts easily and will work for you and your partner. It makes it easier if both people can wear baby. Though admittedly you might not want to give baby up no matter how tired your back gets. Sure you can hold baby in your arms but I promise they will get tired long before your back does. Make sure whatever carrier you get is comfortable with weight in it. A carrier changes when there is a 17lbs baby in it, trust me.
• Changing Table with a contoured changing pad We were told by several people we know that we wouldn't use a changing table because changing the baby sideways is awkward. So we decided not to buy one. After all why waste $100 when there were other things we needed? Well a neighbor put one out on the curb for bulk trash pickup but ti was still in good condition. It just needed some paint and a new changing pad. I can not tell you how glad I am we grabbed that off the curb.If I had to go back and do it all over again and didn't have the free one I would buy one. I use it everyday. To eliminate the awkwardness of changing the baby from the side we positioned it so we could change Cutes from the bottom and not have to do it from a side angle. I also recommend spending the extra money for a contoured changing pad because it helps keep the baby in place.Changing pad covers are nice to have too because as I have mentioned before sometimes babies pee mid-change. I wish I had seen this cover by Halo sooner. I'd have bought it in a heartbeat. Babies do NOT stop waving their arms just so you can change them. By the time I saw it I had diaper changing down to an art. Cutes Patoots is 5 months as I type this and I still love my changing table. The one we have has shelves that with the addition of canvas bins makes a great place to store all of those diaper changing essentials, hair bows, tiny shoes, etc. There are also dressers with changing tables built in. One of those would be great too because it is dual purpose. If you can accomplish 2 or more things with one piece of equipment do so. Babies are small, their things are not
• Diaper Genie Okay this is another one of those things several people told me i wouldn't really use, and we didn't buy one. I entered a photo contest for Playtex and won my Diaper Genie. When it arrived I thought "hey we'll give it a try" the result I love it. It keeps the the number of times I have to empty the kitchen garbage out, keeps the diaper out of the kitchen, and in general is just great. I wish we had 2; one for her nursery upstairs and the one we have downstairs. It keeps the smells contained and if you just spray a bit of Lysol in it when you are emptying it and the inside doesn't get smelly either.
• Circo Crib Sheet As of right now Target's brand of crib sheet is sold in a cloth pouch that matches the sheet. Those pouches are great for storing small toys, packing outfits in the diaper bag, all sorts of great things. The packaging is eco friendly because you can use the pouch over and over, even wash it. The sheets are also a nice material that washes easily and doesn't fade.
• Eddie Bauer Broadmoor Diaper Backpack This diaper bag is nicely made and durable. We like it because it holds a lot of stuff and my husband doesn't mind carrying it because it is very gender neutral. It won't clash with whatever you are wearing either, possibly the last thing on your mind after baby comes but still nice. It has a nice side cooler pouch to store bottles in, a "wet" bag, and a changing pad. The changing pad is a little flimsy but it's purpose really is just to keep baby's bum off of questionable surfaces and to protect your car upholstery. I also like Huggies Disposable Changing Pads and even though we have the one that came with the diaper bag I always keep a couple of these in there as well. The diaper bag has lot of pockets for storing smaller things and clips that will strap to your stroller. I also appreciated that it wasn't overly expensive. So many of the diaper bags geared towards men are over priced. I do have a second diaper bag that is fairly basic but it is hot pink and zebra. Awesome bag but Papasaurusrex doesn't want to carry that one. I always have both bags packed. Mostly though we use this one. If you don't care for this design I do recommend a bag that has lots of pockets, a large storage pouch, a changing pad, and a wet bag. (Wet bags are good for those cute little clothes that get pee or poop on them or even keeping all those dirty diapers together. Nothing like finding a month old dirty diaper in the bottom of your bag.)
• Summer Infant Super Seat This seat is so much fun. Cutes Patoots loves to sit up and play with all the toys. Once baby is doing finger foods there is a little space on the tray where you can put Cheerios or whatever. There is a strap underneath to secure it to a chair as a booster seat. All in all worth every penny. The toys are fun and it grows with the child. When using it to support baby while they learn to sit keep it on the floor and never leave baby unattended in the chair. I've never had any problem with tipping but better safe than sorry.
• Lamaze Freddie the Firefly WORTH EVERY PENNY! This is Cutes favorite toy. See her glee at biting his face. You too can bring that joy.
  

  

  Hey look it's Freddie and the Super seat.

  We take it with us everywhere. Freddie can divert almost anything even a wet diaper fit while I find the bathroom. He is brightly colored with lots of textures. there is a squeaker, a teether, a mirror. Her grandma calls him her busy bee because there are so many aspects of Freddie for her to get busy with. Cutes Patoots favorite thing though is to crinkle his wings. All in all this is just a great developmental toy. Your little darling may prefer another of Lamaze's cast of characters though. What I did was show her several different ones letting her touch them. I picked the one she reacted to with the most delight. When I took Freddie from her in the store the first time, she reached up for him. Something she didn't do for any of the others. I promptly gave him back to her and they have been friends ever since. (Side note: If you don't attach him to the stroller/carrier make sure to keep checking that he is still there when you go out. Do not lose him. Yes you can buy a new one, but you'd be amazed at how attached you become to the original. I thought I lost her O-Ball once and nearly cried.)
• Balls. Big balls, smaller balls, soft ones, and hard ones. Babies love balls. Some of my favorites are the O-Ball Soccer ball fun to chew on and help develop that pesky hand to hand passing trick. It's also good for rolling once baby can sit on their own. The Infantino Activity Ball also good for those hand to hand skills. It has a "rain maker" and is just lots of fun. It's another one of those toys she reached for. Finally the Sassy Loopy Ball is  great too. Brightly colored and soft, great for chewing on or so she tells me.

Babies First Cold

     It's going to happen. There is nothing you can do to stop it shy of locking baby in a hermetically sealed room (no that IS a bad idea). It is really just a matter of when and if you are prepared. Baby's fist cold is a nightmare for most first time parents. Cutes Patoots got hers a few days after turning 3 months old, and let me tell you I was not exactly rational about it. I slept on the floor in her room just in case she needed me. I didn't want to be the 10 feet down the hall lest those few seconds make all the difference. The word "slept" is a bit deceiving as well, as I "woke" at every sound she made, even if it was just her turning her head. Honestly I think the whole experience was worse for me than it was her. She didn't even get a fever. I had a bit of advanced warning too. I had come down with what I hoped was a non-contagious sinus infection. It wasn't and no, caring for a baby while I was sick was not pleasant. I survived, I promise you will too even if you do feel like death warmed over. By Friday night I knew my wishes for it to be noon-contagious were for naught. At bed time I could hear her congestion.

Borrowed this from wordpress.

    We suctioned her nose and put her to bed as usual. While I sat in her nursery to wait for her to fall asleep I made the irrational decision to sleep on the floor and Googled whether or not I should take her to the ER (up and coming article on Googling baby. Just trust me everything you read will either reassure you baby is fine or dying. There isn't really a middle ground). In the end we took her to the Saturday clinic (mostly for my own peace of mind). Sure enough she had a viral infection and there was really nothing to be done except wait it out. Ten days later and she had a bit of a rattle in her chest, so back we went to her pediatrician for a check up and chest x-ray. Again it was nothing. (A bit of advice if you can avoid a chest xray please do. They strap them into a device that is positively medieval.)
     The doctor did give me a bit of advice that really helped with the congestion issues, which I will impart to you now. Get some Vick's Baby Rub (you can also use regular Vick's rub, but the baby version is less harsh) and rub it gently into the soles of baby's feet before putting them into footie pajamas/sleep sack when putting them down to sleep at night or for a longer nap during the day. My mother also recommended this to me after we had talked to the doctor. The other thing my doctor recommended was a bath in J&J's Soothing Vapor Baby Bath. Both of these tricks really helped and the thick congestion broke up practically over night and helped Cutes to breathe so much better, even getting rid of the slight rattle in her chest.
     Like I said at the beginning there is nothing you can do to really prevent the first cold. Sure you can keep baby at home all the time, but eventually they are going to venture out into the world and come across germs and viruses. They are going to play with another baby and be exposed to that kids germs. There is nothing wrong with this. By all means do what you can to keep baby safe and not expose them to unnecessary risks, especially before 3 months, but don't be surprised when despite best efforts your little darling comes down with a bug. Your best play in this case is to be prepared in advance with a few essentials.

Baby's First Cold Checklist:

• A thermometer: It doesn't matter if it is an old school rectal version (in which case have thermometer probe covers on hand) or on of the new fancy temporal ones. Though not having to violate your baby is nice(and yes that is what you will feel like you are doing. You aren't but you still feel like a criminal.) , especially if they have just fallen asleep. Exergen makes a nice thermometer that you can get at Costco for about $30.
• A bulb syringe. Most likely they will give you one at the hospital and/or your baby health and grooming kit you got before baby's arrival will have one. I like one that comes apart in 2 pieces so that it's easier to clean. There are also fancier versions like Nose Frieda, though I can't speak to their effectiveness or ease of use. I'll let you know if that changes. Just make sure you clean your nasal aspirator between each use and do it properly so it doesn't get moldy.
• A Thermal Bear. Okay this is not strictly necessary, but I have found this thing INVALUABLE. Whether it is for a fever from a cold or vaccines, or if your A/C is broken for over a week. This thing is awesome. It doesn't get so cold it can't touch baby's skin, but holds the chill for a while. I haven't used it as a heat pack, but I imagine it is the similar, gets warm but not too warm. Just make sure to read the instructions for care. Bonus: it is washable and baby doesn't mind snuggling it. Just don't leave your LO unattended while they snuggle him.
• Vick's Baby Rub. I have already covered this one.
• A Vapor Baby Bath. Again covered it. I do believe that Baby Magic might have their own version if you are adverse to using J&J products. If you happen to be stuffy at the same time the vapors during bath time are relieving for mom or dad as well.
• A Pediatrician. This seems dumb to say but make sure you have a pediatrician and their number handy at all times, as well as knowing where the nearest emergency room is, just in case.

All of this said, babies first cold will not be any easier for you mentally and will takes it toll on you physically. We are blessed in that Cutes Patoots was an angel face during the whole experience. She mostly maintained her schedule, only waking when her airways really needed cleared and thankfully she didn't have a fever. Not everyone is that lucky, and I feel for those of you that will have a harder time than I did. All I can say is try to get as much rest as you can and take care of yourself as best you can. Sleeping on the floor in baby's nursery is NOT necessary nor does it really do you any good. That said if you feel you must I certainly can't cast stones. Just keep in mind you  are not alone. Every mother has been through the first cold. You will survive even if you don't think you will.