Toddlers are People Too

    So the other day I saw a mom lose it with her toddler. Hey I've lost it too, but never to this extent. I actually saw the woman slap her daughter's mouth to get her to stop yelling no. I thought this was uncalled for. She didn't hit her hard and far be it for me to judge another parent's choice as I don't know the full extent of her situation but for me it seemed too far (and surprise it wasn't effective.) I couldn't help but think if someone did that to me what my reaction would be. I determined it would not be pretty.
     I am not against what we will call traditional methods of discipline. A very light swat on the diaper can get a toddler's attention and help them understand you mean business, but I do feel that when we have to resort to disiplinary measures we need to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Yes they are tiny and lets face it fairly incompetent, but they are supposed to be. It is our job to teach them how to use a spoon and fork properly, that pee goes in the potty not their pants, that while rain boots are cool they might not be the best footwear on a 100 degree day. And I think as parents, whether you stay at home or work, because toddlers are not capable of taking care of themselves we tend to forget that they are actually just small, adorable, often frustrating people. They have likes, dislikes, good days and bad. They also have dreams and ideas. These are all good things. Even when their desires run completely counter to ours it is still a good thing in that they are developing their personality and sense of identity. Want a kid that doesn't jump off the bridge when all the other kids do? Well unfortunately to get that kid you are going to have some toddler battle of the wills as you teach them that they have choices. They then learn that those choices have consequences. All good lessons to start teaching early as it seems to me they are harder to teach later on.
     So when it comes to discipline I feel it is important to TRY to keep in mind that toddlers are people too. Here is what I mean. Lets go back to the woman and her daughter. I wonder if she was dealing with another adult  if she would still have popped them in the mouth. I seriously doubt it. I know I wouldn't. Instead I would just walk away. While you can't completely walk away from your toddler out in public you can take a few steps, maybe even give them your back. I know when I have done this with Cutes it ends whatever fit she was throwing. No point in yelling if you think no one is listening. My point here is though if whatever you are considering using as a disciplinary measure is not something you would do when handling another person perhaps it's time to think a moment and come up with a measure more suited to proper social interaction. As I mentioned earlier toddlers learn from us how to navigate the world this includes social skills. How you handle them when they are frustrating you will reflect in how they handle YOU and others when you are frustrating them. Toddlers favorite thing to do it copy you after all.
     So lets try to treat our toddlers like people. Say "Thank you,"  when they do something you asked them too (yes even if it took you asking 55 times) or when they hand you something (yes even poop), say "You're welcome," to them when they say "Thank you," ask for their opinions on things, acknowledge their feelings as valid, and when they are acting up try to use methods that still respect them as a person. If you wouldn't do it to someone else than try to come up with an alternative that you would. As adults we know the social mores and need to teach these to our children. The lessons start with how we treat them.

A Bunny In the Garden

      Spring is upon us and in our household we have been very busy. Now that we own our own home we decided to put in a full garden. We decided the garden should be a family endeavor, after all we will all benefit from it. It also gives us a chance to teach Cutes Patoots about where the vegetables she eats come from. As well as patience (okay not really) but it does teach her about caring for living things. In the spirit of this we bought her her very own gardening set (gloves, a trowel, a gardening fork, watering can, and a bucket to keep it all in). Because Cutes just turned 2 we chose to go with plastic instead of metal. I also bought her a packet of butterfly flower seeds, and a wide shallow pot to plant them in. She gets her own flower garden and I will hopefully get either butterflies or some bees to pollinate the big garden. She had a blast planting the seeds and helping me to break up the potting soil. Well gardening has it's issues and our biggest one are the jack rabbits. They have already killed a couple of my smaller plants. Apparently "Bunny did it" is a theme in my life.
     This brings us to our sensory project. In honor of the weather warming and our new garden (and pests) I wanted to do something with a spring theme. I took to Pinterest looking for inspiration. I found this activity over at Mama Miss. I knew immediately I wanted to do something similar. The next morning I made a quick trip to Dollar Tree to pick up the carrot "eggs" and low and behold they even had some eggs shaped like bunnies. I also picked up 4 16oz bags of dried black beans.
      When I got home I wanted to make the bin about more than just exploring the beans and gardening but I also wanted to talk about the differences in layers of soil. I still had about 30 oz of colored rice we used in the fall for a different sensory bin that was still in usable/playable condition. I added this to the bottom of a bin and placed all my carrots. I then added the beans, the rabbits, a shovel we had, and a few containers and waited for her to wake up. While I waited I thought that perhaps since this was all about gardening we should do the activity outside in the glorious spring weather and I set up this invitation for her.

 

 Here she is accepting my invitation:

       In the process of getting busy being a toddler I talked to Cutes Patoots about the differences in soil and how it changes as you dig deeper. Sure enough she decided to dig deeper.

A Bunny in the Garden Sensory Bin

Materials:

1. Black Beans or really any dry bean works. It might also be interesting with cooked beans (I used 4 16oz bags)
2. Uncooked Rice (I used colored rice from a previous bin, I think it was 3 16oz bags worth)
3. Something carrot shaped (I used Easter carrot eggs which you can find all over the place right now)
4. Something bunny shaped (again I used Easter eggs)
5. A Shovel 
6. Some small containers/cups
7. A large clear bin to hold it all

     NOTE: If you are going to do different soil types I highly recommend putting in the first layer of soil and then the carrots to keep the layers from mixing.

     After you do the about 5 minutes of prep set the bin somewhere for your little one to explore. I recommend outside if at all possible. The beans will fly! This is a great opportunity to talk to your tike about things like gardening, beans, soil types, growth and a great chance to expose them to language.

  This activity was a great success with Cutes Patoots. She was busy digging, scooping, and picking up beans in her pincer grasp for over an hour and it was fun for me to talk to her and just watch as she explored all the different elements in the bin. It was a really fabulous time.

Bunny Did IT!

     So as you may have noticed there has been a name change to Pregopotamus and Baby Girl. This blog was started long before Cutes Patoots had even an inkling of speaking and Pregopotamus was always a place holder in my mind. Recently Cutes Patoots has been going through a language explosion while simultaneously becoming more and more interested in what goes on on TV and well what goes on in general. She is in to everything and nap time can be a battle if I decide to engage but as long as she is in bed I am going to let it gooooooooooooo. (Yes I went there.) Recently Disney Junior released a new show called Kate and Mim Mim. For those of you that haven't seen it the show is about a little girl (Kate) and her stuffed "funny bunny friend," (Mim Mim). When Kate is alone with Mim Mim he comes to larger than life

and the two go on grand adventures that ultimately help Kate solve a problem in her real life. Cutes is hooked. She has her own stuffed bunny who she loves dearly pictured above. So one afternoon after allowing her to watch Kate and Mim Mim I put Cutes down for her nap. I could hear her playing in

her room talking to Bunny and squeaking around. After about an hour I went in to remind her she was supposed to sleep. On opening the door I realized her once neat and tidy room was a huge mess. Clothes were pulled out of drawers. Her bow box was dumped out with all of her small hair things

spilled all over the floor. Some of her dresses were pulled off hangers and there was a mine field of stuffed animals littering the floor as well. In the bed Cutes Patoots is standing holding Bunny by the hand while bouncing. I could have yelled. I could have threw a fit, bit instead I calmly asked "What happened in here?" Her response was very clear and very simple, "Bunny did it!" I should probably
have been made at the what to a parent appears to be a bald faced lie, but in her mind Bunny did indeed do it. Her and Bunny were clearly on a grand adventure. Cutes Patoots and Bunny helped me put things back up and then she and Bunny drifted off to the land of Nod for over two hours. But that was when the idea of changing my blog that is about her and our adventures with her to Bunny Did It. After all I have a feeling Bunny will do many more things. He is a wascally wabbit after all.

Toddler Fish Crafting

     A few months ago I was looking at the idea of preschool for Cutes Patoots. A few hours of the day to myself to work on homework sounded like a good idea and Cutes would learn so much. But then I looked at the tuition for a moderately decent preschool and I am pretty sure my eyes are never going to go back in my head properly. $300 a week for 4 hours 3 days a week! I am sorry but that is insane to teach kids their colors, shapes, letters, and numbers especially when I know I can teach her those basics. All I was gaining was a few hours to myself and let's face it for the first month I'd have been the creepy mom hanging out in the bushes peering through the window. Cutes Patoots is my baby girl and sometimes I am convinced I have forgotten how to function sans baby. Some of you may think that is sad or crazy but keep in mind she is my only baby and is likely to be the only one I ever have. I want to soak up every giggle, every hug, every milestone, every tear and yes, even tantrum that I can. Having watched her progress over the last two years I have really realized that they grow up so, so fast. They go from baby to toddler in a blink (that could be the sleep deprivation but I don't think it is.) I suspect she will go from toddler to little girl before I realize it too. So the idea of paying someone huge sums of money to miss those special moments when I don't have to suddenly seemed like the stupidest idea I had ever had. But she still needs to learn her colors, numbers, letters and shapes. My solution was simple I would set aside an hour or so a day Monday-Friday to do crafting or activities with Cutes Patoots based on a theme, I would get books from the library about our weekly theme, and we could watch movies and discuss our theme at random intervals throughout the week. This week's theme is fish and the letter F. Outlined below are a few of the things we did this week.

1.       We read the book The Rainbow Fish and then created our own rainbow fish.This craft is very free form and the preparation is simple. I took a paper plate and cut out a wedge for the mouth and gathered the rest of my supplies.

       What You'll Need:

• paper plate
• scissors
• a coffee filter
• cupcake liners (optional, you can also use the cut out wedge to create fins)
• Washable markers
• Spray bottle of water
• white glue
• paint brush (also optional, I put the glue in a cup and let Cutes paint it on)
• sequins, buttons, beads, tissue paper, glitter, foam stickers, basically anything goes. Left overs from previous crafting sessions are great even if they are out of season. I had some leaves left over from the fall she used.

     After I gathered my supplies I laid them out (except for the markers and coffee filter), separating the different types (no they didn't stay that way but it let her see what was available.) She immediately took to painting glue and sticking on sequins, leaves, stickers and anything she wanted. I handed her a spare googly eye and she glued that on too. Remember this part is free form. Just let them have at it. Cutes was suddenly very interested in sequins and was gluing those on like crazy. The only guidance/assistance I gave her was eventually I just painted the whole plate with glue because she forgot she needed the glue to make her doodads stick and got frustrated when they didn't stay where she put them. Other than that though it was all her choice.

      Once she was done gluing all of her beads, sequins and such I picked up all of the glue and doodads and handed Cutes Patoots the markers and coffee filter. I encouraged her to scribble to her her hearts content.The more they scribble the better this part will come out. So don't rush and just scribble. When she eventually lost interest in the markers we took the coffee filter to the kitchen and sprayed it with water to allow the colors to bleed. Once dry I folded the filter into quarters and stapled it on and folded the cupcake liners up and stapled those on as well. If using the wedge from your mouth cut out be sure to let your child decorate that piece as well. You could also use glue.We watched Finding Nemo while we waited for our filter to dry.

      2.      On another day we read In My Pond and created a fish bowl after using paper plates and
               contact paper. This is another one where you can  use extras you have on hand.

      What You'll Need:

•           2 paper plates
•           clear contact paper
•           construction paper
•           glue
•           scissors
•           stapler (optional, you could use glue and clamps)
•           tissue paper, construction paper, sequins, whatever you happen to have

     Before sitting down to read I did all of my prep work which wasn't much. I cut out a fish shape from orange construction paper, and some free form shapes in green and red for coral and seaweed. (Cutes just turned 2 a few days ago and is not ready to operate scissors yet. If your child is older this can be adapted and they can do the cutting) I then cut the center from one plate and glued a cut to fit piece of contact paper to the plate (sticky side in so you can use the adhesive to stick stuff on the "glass" on the inside) and then removed the paper backing. Me and Cutes then glued torn blue tissue paper to the second non-cut out plate for water. Once that was done came the fun. I let Cutes go to town gluing decorations to both plates. Yes I will be finding sequins in my living room from now until she is 18 but she had a blast. Once she was bored gluing I I stapled the two plates together so you can see the blue through the contact paper. We wrapped up that afternoon with cuddles and The Little Mermaid.

These are just two of our units from this week. While we did each craft we discussed thing we knew about fish and the various colors of the objects she was gluing. We also talked about the story we just read. At 2 she is very talkative but if your little one doesn't want to talk just keep up the chatter yourself. I always ask questions and give her the opportunity to reply. If I ask something about the fish and she gives a one word answer I then try to reuse her word in my next sentence. So if I ask "What is this?" and she says "Orange." My response maybe something like "Yes some fish ARE orange." Of course this doesn't work when she just gives a random word like "pretzel," but do try to use whatever she gives as an answer some context. We are hoping to end our week with a field trip to a local aquarium. I always love when we end with a field trip. We will go on the weekend and this gives Papasaurusrex a chance to take part in "preschool."
     I will eventually give up some control and let her go to a formal preschool, probably around 4 to help her adjust to not having me around all the time, but for now I am content to be with her and watch her grow and learn every moment of her day.

Stuff = Love...Wait, WHAAAAT?

     Christmas has just come and gone. It's can be an exciting thing but there is also a lot of negativity involved in the holiday. People can get down right nasty to each other while spewing platitudes of good will toward all but that is a far more global issue than I want to go into on a parenting blog. My point is Christmas is not all fat men in red suits, flying reindeer, and cookies you eat at midnight while trying to assemble some plastic contraption with more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle. There is stress over impending family visiting. You have to go to the grocery store for milk? Well best to plan to be there for 3 hours because even supermarkets get crazy busy. Then your kid brings you a list of gift suggestions and you read over it and your eyes start bugging out as you tally the cost (thankfully I am not to the list stage yet but I can imagine). You want to get your kids everything they want but are confined by silly things like reality when they ask for a purple unicorn that farts rainbows or the bigger issue money. But maybe you are lucky and only have to worry about trying to find a horned horse that flaulates the light spectrum. If you are congratulations and I mean that sincerely. Over the holiday season I found myself flogged by posts about not getting your kid everything they want, don't let "Santa" buy the expensive gifts because another kid's parents can't afford to buy their kid an XBox, how getting your kid whatever they want will make them entitled. It is December 31st and I just saw another one of these posts and I am about ready to explode if I see another. It has started to tick me off not because I think entitling kids is a good thing, not because I disagree that kids should know their parents loved them enough to spend $400 worth of their blood, sweat, and tears to buy the kid something they wanted. My impending detonation has nothing to do with disagreeing with the sentiment behind the articles. No it is the superior tone these article all seem to take. You know the tone; the one that makes you feel guilty because maybe you were too generous and think "Oh my God I am RUINING my child!" Yeah I can't stand that.
     We are a single income military family. Neither of us came from money so to speak. We are in no way rich, but we do live comfortably and are able to provide Cutes Patoots with many of the things she wants as well as more than cover her needs. She is also blessed with a passel of grandparents who adore her. Seriously she wants for nothing. If there is the merest hint of a need it is taken care of. We are well aware how privileged we are. This isn't me bragging. I constantly worry that maybe she is spoiled because she has to do without very little. I came to a conclusion on Christmas Eve after scrolling through Facebook and seeing the pictures on my friends walls after Santa had come. Cutes Patoots IS spoiled. Despite feeling that we were very conservative (3 gifts per parent and then what her grandparents got her) she still had more gifts than some had under their tree for the whole family. I immediately felt BAD about what we were able to give her. Yes I felt BAD because we were clearly ruining our child.
     Three minutes later I came to another conclusion; no we weren't! There is a difference between a spoiled child and a spoiled, rotten child. Cutes Patoots while she does get most of the things she wants (I am not giving in on the bunny issue. Live rabbit? No thank you.), she isn't entitled. She IS however almost 2 and sometimes comes off that way. By and large though if we tell her she can't have something she may frown but will accept it and go on and chirp or sing "Let It Go." Yes despite getting what she wants a great deal of the time she will accept the N word (no for the toddler uninitiated)  as the final say. According to all of these things I have read though that isn't possible. So why does it work for our daughter? Here is why i think it works:

• When we say "no" Cutes Patoots knows we mean it. She may test it a little bit but in the end "no" means "no, no way, no how, not happening."
• She has rules. If she breaks those rules there are consistent consequences. If she starts mangling a book and is told to stop and doesn't, the books are taken up for a bit. Yes there is crying. Yes it breaks a part of our souls, but me and Papasaurusrex stick to our guns. In a little while she gets them back and low and behold is much kinder to them. In deference to her age we keep the rules simple and add to them as new situations arise, but the old rules don't change.
• And possibly the most important thing we also spoil her with our time. We don't just spend money on her. We also spend a great deal of our time with and for her. She is our priority. Her health, safety, needs, discipline, and future our top priorities. Even at not quite 2 she understands that things are interchangeable but our love for her is not. That our love is expressed in hugs, snuggles, kisses, actions, and words not the contents of her playroom. We adults seem to forget this. A playroom full of toys is no compensation for your time. If I got rid of all of her toys right now and gave her a box and some plastic bottles she'd be just as happy as long as I am will to still play with her.

     So whether you poop gold bricks or are barely scraping by the take away here is the same: stuff does not equal love. Stop flogging yourself and go spend some quality time with your kids. Watch the shows they like with them even if they grate on your last nerve, take them to the park and climb the slide with them, next time you are grocery shopping stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking about you and bust a move in the cereal aisle (toddlers love that). Have fun with your kids, create memories, and make sure they know that they are your foremost concern even if they aren't the center of the universe. When the time comes and you have to discipline them make sure they know it's because you love them. Kids are far smarter than we give them credit for.

Toddlers are Better People

     By this juncture anyone who was reading this blog has probably given up on me ever posting
again. It has been a crazy year: Papasaurusrex deployed, we had a surprise PCS move we had to plan and execute in two months (if you want more on that I am going to TRY to write it next week), after settling us in Papasaurusrex was off again for a while, and I am currently in the process of putting our life back together so he comes back to a home and not a disaster area. In the midst of all the adult chaos Cutes Patoots has learned to walk, run, climb, dance, and talk. We went from just a few simple words to her grabbing my face in both her precious little hands and asking if I was okay. Life for a toddler, like the rest of us, goes on and not a moment can be wasted, which brings us to today and the reason I dusted off my blog.
     Today we went to Balboa Park in San Diego for the Plumeria Festival. After we watched the hula dancers and looked at the different varieties of plumeria for sale we decided to take a stroll, me walking while pushing Cutes Patoots in her little pink car. It was such a beautiful southern California day and I really wanted to get some good pictures of Cutes for her daddy. The sun was shinning and people were everywhere. Kids darting back and forth, tents set up for face painting. I had decided to take Cutes over to the large fountain outside of the Ruben H. Fleet Science Center when I saw an older gentleman in a wheelchair coming down a sidewalk. People were avoiding his gaze, pulling their kids to the other side of road, doing anything they could to avoid drawing his notice and certainly to avoid risking having to interact with him. I was about to do the same thing when Cutes lifted her little hand and waved at him with a bright smile on her face. I watched as his face lit up before he waved back, as if that simple gesture was the most beautiful gift he had received in years. I could have quickly moved on and pretended not to notice. Instead we stopped and said a formal hello introducing ourselves. He honked the horn on his wheelchair and Cutes honked the horn on her car in response. We talked for a few minutes about nothing of import. I could tell he wasn't all there, not dangerous but some of his synapses aren't making the right connections, his speech a little slow and his ideas not always flowing very well. As we talked he told me he was looking for the Air and Space Museum and I pulled out my park map and showed him how to get there. Since we didn't need the map anymore I told him to keep it and circled his destination before giving it to him. It was a very pleasant exchange with Cutes Patoots piping in with her happy chirps and offerings of leaves and rocks she found particularly pretty.We were at the end of our exchange when he asked if he could shake Cutes Patoots' hand. That was when I  took the best photo of the day. His older hand with dirt around the nail beds holding her precious little hand that had waved to him in such beautiful innocence.

     This one image to me captured something profound, something I have continued to think about all afternoon and well into the evening, something I will share with you now. We as parents are always looking to the next stage. We can't wait for our toddler to start acting like a more reasonable human being. I mean come-on, yes means no but also yes, no means no but might mean yes. They are overly dramatic, they throw tantrums, throw food. There is no impulse control and let's not even talk about the mood swings. Seriously, they yell at us when there is poop in their bathtub. We didn't poop in their tub (at least I hope you didn't. I know in my case it was definitely her that pooped in the tub.) But there is something we don't think about that toddlers have that we lose as adults; innocence. We become jaded to the simple pleasures of life like a sprinkler on a hot summer day. While in our heads we know our actions have an impact on the world we don't stop to watch the ripples when we throw a rock into the pond. We no longer see people as people, but as threats we must avoid. I am just as guilty. It is only as a mother that I am beginning to see the difference a smile can make. It is such a simple gesture to wave your hand and greet a stranger, but to that stranger it can mean the world. What I would like to do is challenge those that are reading this to act more like a toddler. Smile at strangers, talk to the lady that lives in the creepy house that seems to have a million cats, if the mother of four in front of you is having to decide if she is going to put the toilet paper back or the bread, milk, and cheese because she is $10 short, give her the ten bucks no strings attached. If we all strive to make other people smile the world will be a much more pleasant place. Our communities can be the place we want our children growing up, but it starts with us.

My Glamorous Life

I know it's been a long time. I have some great posts planned but the holidays depleted what non-existent free time I have. But I did want to drop by and give you a laugh.

So yesterday I see what I believe to be spots of animal puke on my floor. (I lead such a glamorous life, don't I?) I look at the cat and dog very concernedly as I clean up these blobs, a very helpful Cutes Patoots toddling after me with a half inflated Mylar balloon in tow. I finally get them all up only to turn and step in a new one. For every spot I manage to clean I find two more! I become very frustrated at this point, completely baffled by what is happening. Where are these coming from? The animals certainly hadn't puked. I was standing right there! It's at this point I finally really look at my toddler (it's so weird to say that). Much to my horror Cutes Patoots has poop running out of the bottom of her shorts and down her leg in these chunky clumps. I reach out to catch her so I can change her diaper but she turns and RUNS all through my downstairs leaving a trail of yellow poo-droplets in her wake while laughing and gleefully tugging her balloon behind her. There was poop EVERY.WHERE.

Once I caught her and cleaned enough poop off of her legs to lay her down (because I didn't want poop on the carpet, I only now see how that is funny) and clean her up I discovered the problem. Cutes Patoots had turned her diaper into a thong on one side! NOT how I'd put it on her. I know this will shock you but diapers are not effective when there is a half moon. Seriously how did she get a whole butt cheek out? The lesson here is when you become a parent poop is a big part of your life. Find the humor in it. I promise you your life as a parent will be so much easier if you just look for the humor in every experience. It's not always easy to see but it is there! Have a great (hopefully poop nightmare free) day!