Stuff = Love...Wait, WHAAAAT?

     Christmas has just come and gone. It's can be an exciting thing but there is also a lot of negativity involved in the holiday. People can get down right nasty to each other while spewing platitudes of good will toward all but that is a far more global issue than I want to go into on a parenting blog. My point is Christmas is not all fat men in red suits, flying reindeer, and cookies you eat at midnight while trying to assemble some plastic contraption with more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle. There is stress over impending family visiting. You have to go to the grocery store for milk? Well best to plan to be there for 3 hours because even supermarkets get crazy busy. Then your kid brings you a list of gift suggestions and you read over it and your eyes start bugging out as you tally the cost (thankfully I am not to the list stage yet but I can imagine). You want to get your kids everything they want but are confined by silly things like reality when they ask for a purple unicorn that farts rainbows or the bigger issue money. But maybe you are lucky and only have to worry about trying to find a horned horse that flaulates the light spectrum. If you are congratulations and I mean that sincerely. Over the holiday season I found myself flogged by posts about not getting your kid everything they want, don't let "Santa" buy the expensive gifts because another kid's parents can't afford to buy their kid an XBox, how getting your kid whatever they want will make them entitled. It is December 31st and I just saw another one of these posts and I am about ready to explode if I see another. It has started to tick me off not because I think entitling kids is a good thing, not because I disagree that kids should know their parents loved them enough to spend $400 worth of their blood, sweat, and tears to buy the kid something they wanted. My impending detonation has nothing to do with disagreeing with the sentiment behind the articles. No it is the superior tone these article all seem to take. You know the tone; the one that makes you feel guilty because maybe you were too generous and think "Oh my God I am RUINING my child!" Yeah I can't stand that.
     We are a single income military family. Neither of us came from money so to speak. We are in no way rich, but we do live comfortably and are able to provide Cutes Patoots with many of the things she wants as well as more than cover her needs. She is also blessed with a passel of grandparents who adore her. Seriously she wants for nothing. If there is the merest hint of a need it is taken care of. We are well aware how privileged we are. This isn't me bragging. I constantly worry that maybe she is spoiled because she has to do without very little. I came to a conclusion on Christmas Eve after scrolling through Facebook and seeing the pictures on my friends walls after Santa had come. Cutes Patoots IS spoiled. Despite feeling that we were very conservative (3 gifts per parent and then what her grandparents got her) she still had more gifts than some had under their tree for the whole family. I immediately felt BAD about what we were able to give her. Yes I felt BAD because we were clearly ruining our child.
     Three minutes later I came to another conclusion; no we weren't! There is a difference between a spoiled child and a spoiled, rotten child. Cutes Patoots while she does get most of the things she wants (I am not giving in on the bunny issue. Live rabbit? No thank you.), she isn't entitled. She IS however almost 2 and sometimes comes off that way. By and large though if we tell her she can't have something she may frown but will accept it and go on and chirp or sing "Let It Go." Yes despite getting what she wants a great deal of the time she will accept the N word (no for the toddler uninitiated)  as the final say. According to all of these things I have read though that isn't possible. So why does it work for our daughter? Here is why i think it works:

• When we say "no" Cutes Patoots knows we mean it. She may test it a little bit but in the end "no" means "no, no way, no how, not happening."
• She has rules. If she breaks those rules there are consistent consequences. If she starts mangling a book and is told to stop and doesn't, the books are taken up for a bit. Yes there is crying. Yes it breaks a part of our souls, but me and Papasaurusrex stick to our guns. In a little while she gets them back and low and behold is much kinder to them. In deference to her age we keep the rules simple and add to them as new situations arise, but the old rules don't change.
• And possibly the most important thing we also spoil her with our time. We don't just spend money on her. We also spend a great deal of our time with and for her. She is our priority. Her health, safety, needs, discipline, and future our top priorities. Even at not quite 2 she understands that things are interchangeable but our love for her is not. That our love is expressed in hugs, snuggles, kisses, actions, and words not the contents of her playroom. We adults seem to forget this. A playroom full of toys is no compensation for your time. If I got rid of all of her toys right now and gave her a box and some plastic bottles she'd be just as happy as long as I am will to still play with her.

     So whether you poop gold bricks or are barely scraping by the take away here is the same: stuff does not equal love. Stop flogging yourself and go spend some quality time with your kids. Watch the shows they like with them even if they grate on your last nerve, take them to the park and climb the slide with them, next time you are grocery shopping stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking about you and bust a move in the cereal aisle (toddlers love that). Have fun with your kids, create memories, and make sure they know that they are your foremost concern even if they aren't the center of the universe. When the time comes and you have to discipline them make sure they know it's because you love them. Kids are far smarter than we give them credit for.

Toddlers are Better People

     By this juncture anyone who was reading this blog has probably given up on me ever posting
again. It has been a crazy year: Papasaurusrex deployed, we had a surprise PCS move we had to plan and execute in two months (if you want more on that I am going to TRY to write it next week), after settling us in Papasaurusrex was off again for a while, and I am currently in the process of putting our life back together so he comes back to a home and not a disaster area. In the midst of all the adult chaos Cutes Patoots has learned to walk, run, climb, dance, and talk. We went from just a few simple words to her grabbing my face in both her precious little hands and asking if I was okay. Life for a toddler, like the rest of us, goes on and not a moment can be wasted, which brings us to today and the reason I dusted off my blog.
     Today we went to Balboa Park in San Diego for the Plumeria Festival. After we watched the hula dancers and looked at the different varieties of plumeria for sale we decided to take a stroll, me walking while pushing Cutes Patoots in her little pink car. It was such a beautiful southern California day and I really wanted to get some good pictures of Cutes for her daddy. The sun was shinning and people were everywhere. Kids darting back and forth, tents set up for face painting. I had decided to take Cutes over to the large fountain outside of the Ruben H. Fleet Science Center when I saw an older gentleman in a wheelchair coming down a sidewalk. People were avoiding his gaze, pulling their kids to the other side of road, doing anything they could to avoid drawing his notice and certainly to avoid risking having to interact with him. I was about to do the same thing when Cutes lifted her little hand and waved at him with a bright smile on her face. I watched as his face lit up before he waved back, as if that simple gesture was the most beautiful gift he had received in years. I could have quickly moved on and pretended not to notice. Instead we stopped and said a formal hello introducing ourselves. He honked the horn on his wheelchair and Cutes honked the horn on her car in response. We talked for a few minutes about nothing of import. I could tell he wasn't all there, not dangerous but some of his synapses aren't making the right connections, his speech a little slow and his ideas not always flowing very well. As we talked he told me he was looking for the Air and Space Museum and I pulled out my park map and showed him how to get there. Since we didn't need the map anymore I told him to keep it and circled his destination before giving it to him. It was a very pleasant exchange with Cutes Patoots piping in with her happy chirps and offerings of leaves and rocks she found particularly pretty.We were at the end of our exchange when he asked if he could shake Cutes Patoots' hand. That was when I  took the best photo of the day. His older hand with dirt around the nail beds holding her precious little hand that had waved to him in such beautiful innocence.

     This one image to me captured something profound, something I have continued to think about all afternoon and well into the evening, something I will share with you now. We as parents are always looking to the next stage. We can't wait for our toddler to start acting like a more reasonable human being. I mean come-on, yes means no but also yes, no means no but might mean yes. They are overly dramatic, they throw tantrums, throw food. There is no impulse control and let's not even talk about the mood swings. Seriously, they yell at us when there is poop in their bathtub. We didn't poop in their tub (at least I hope you didn't. I know in my case it was definitely her that pooped in the tub.) But there is something we don't think about that toddlers have that we lose as adults; innocence. We become jaded to the simple pleasures of life like a sprinkler on a hot summer day. While in our heads we know our actions have an impact on the world we don't stop to watch the ripples when we throw a rock into the pond. We no longer see people as people, but as threats we must avoid. I am just as guilty. It is only as a mother that I am beginning to see the difference a smile can make. It is such a simple gesture to wave your hand and greet a stranger, but to that stranger it can mean the world. What I would like to do is challenge those that are reading this to act more like a toddler. Smile at strangers, talk to the lady that lives in the creepy house that seems to have a million cats, if the mother of four in front of you is having to decide if she is going to put the toilet paper back or the bread, milk, and cheese because she is $10 short, give her the ten bucks no strings attached. If we all strive to make other people smile the world will be a much more pleasant place. Our communities can be the place we want our children growing up, but it starts with us.

My Glamorous Life

I know it's been a long time. I have some great posts planned but the holidays depleted what non-existent free time I have. But I did want to drop by and give you a laugh.

So yesterday I see what I believe to be spots of animal puke on my floor. (I lead such a glamorous life, don't I?) I look at the cat and dog very concernedly as I clean up these blobs, a very helpful Cutes Patoots toddling after me with a half inflated Mylar balloon in tow. I finally get them all up only to turn and step in a new one. For every spot I manage to clean I find two more! I become very frustrated at this point, completely baffled by what is happening. Where are these coming from? The animals certainly hadn't puked. I was standing right there! It's at this point I finally really look at my toddler (it's so weird to say that). Much to my horror Cutes Patoots has poop running out of the bottom of her shorts and down her leg in these chunky clumps. I reach out to catch her so I can change her diaper but she turns and RUNS all through my downstairs leaving a trail of yellow poo-droplets in her wake while laughing and gleefully tugging her balloon behind her. There was poop EVERY.WHERE.

Once I caught her and cleaned enough poop off of her legs to lay her down (because I didn't want poop on the carpet, I only now see how that is funny) and clean her up I discovered the problem. Cutes Patoots had turned her diaper into a thong on one side! NOT how I'd put it on her. I know this will shock you but diapers are not effective when there is a half moon. Seriously how did she get a whole butt cheek out? The lesson here is when you become a parent poop is a big part of your life. Find the humor in it. I promise you your life as a parent will be so much easier if you just look for the humor in every experience. It's not always easy to see but it is there! Have a great (hopefully poop nightmare free) day!

ER Visits With Baby

I'd like to start with I am hoping to be able to get you two brand new posts this week. I realize I only have 3 days to do this but I am going to try. This post is a post I honestly hoped I wouldn't have to write EVER, or at least more realistically until next year, but here I am having some wisdom to impart. At some point you are going to have to take your little darling to the emergency room. It sucks and it is so scary. You are worried about if you really need to go, how long you will be there, what you need to take and that whole time you are gathering your thing the words "Oh my GOD! Something is wrong with my BABY!!!!" and your mind instantly jumps to the worst possibilities. I know this because on Tuesday night I had to take Cutes Patoots in.
     The short story is I put her down to bed like I normally do but when I left the room she started wailing. Cutes is not a fussy baby. She very rarely cries and this particular cry knifed right through to my very core. I went back up, picked her up to calm her then tried putting her back down. The second she left my arms the wailing commenced. I tried a few other things including sending a message to Papasaururex, who was working, to ask about the behavior or more accurately to whine that our normally angelic bedtime baby was suddenly throwing down. I went back up armed with a grandma on speaker phone singing because last week I was sick and I am still coughing and so singing was completely out. I am so grateful that Grammasaurusrex was up at a ridiculous hour and willing to sing for Cutes while I took her temperature. Cutes was running a 102 degree fever. I knew she felt warm but I didn't expect it to be that high. I immediately grabbed Cutes from her crib and started running around like a chicken with my head cut off, throwing random things in my bag. Once I got to the hospital and got us checked-in I realized what a poor job I had done. I only had 3 diapers, a handful of wipes, no change of clothes if she got sick, no change for the vending machines, nothing but my phone to entertain me and the battery only had a 55% charge. I did think to grab a blanket, extra milk, and Cutes' iPhone so she had her music and games (no I did not buy her the phone, I just gave her my old one. It was cheaper than buying an mp3 player and bonus I can put games and other busy bee stuff on it.) This was a disaster. I was also only 2 hours away from my pump time and an ER visit is a minimum of 3 hours on a short trip! What was I thinking?!?! The answer is I wasn't.
     My solution to this simple you can either create an ER Trip checklist that I promise you, you will forget you have or to have a bag packed with the "you will forget" essentials. In this bag you should pack:

1. $3 in quarters or other change per person. That will cover at least one drink and one snack for everybody. obviously if baby is still just drinking milk you can leave out their allotment but if you are breastfeeding or pumping the extra might be nice for you mom.
2. An unopened bottle of water per person. This way you can save your change for a caffeine boost at 2am when you are still sitting there.
3. A baby blanket
4. A change of clothes for the baby, and a least a shirt for mom or dad. This way if anyone gets sick or medicine is spit out you aren't sitting there looking any shabbier than you already do because you couldn't be bothered with matching clothes on the way out the door. Hey if your shoes are a pair you look like a rock star in my book. ( yes there was another mom their with mis-matched shoes and a sick baby. I completely understood.)
5. Spit-up cloths
6. A book, cross-word, sudoku whatever interests you that doesn't require power so when baby manages to fall asleep you aren't bored and draining your phone battery that you will need for the influx of "how's the baby doing" calls and texts.
7. Pacifier, if your LO uses one
8. 5 diapers per diaper wearer and a full package of unopened wipes (this way no worries about them drying out).
9. A spare nursing cover if you nurse or pump.

Now when the time comes all you have to remember is to grab a bottle, extra milk, baby's favorite toy, wallet, and if you are a pumper PLEASE for the love of your boobs your pump, which probably has a battery-pack that should be kept with it WITH batteries. And seriously matching shoes over rated when it comes to the kiddo. I hope this helps someone else because my first ER visit did not go smoothly. We were only there a short time (3.5 hours) but we could have been there a lot longer and I didn't have some of the things I needed. We go home and there were no diapers left, I had 1 wipe, was famished, and my phone was nearly dead.
    Cutes by the way just has a non-specific bug of some sort, doctor speak for "I have no idea." With only a fever to go on and no other symptoms they were completely confused. She is doing better now.

Save Yourself the Explainations

Another quick blurb for you. You know, something to look forward to or commiserate if you are or have been here. Babies eat paper! For the last few weeks I swear Cutes Patoots has sought out every scrap of paper she can find to put in her mouth and rip to shreds. I am sure she has swallowed at least one piece of a print to ship tracking receipt before I wrangled it from her iron grasp.

Here is my advice if you are in school do all of your homework on the computer and print it the day it's to be turned in. That way you are less likely to have to hand in a mangled taped together scrap of paper missing 2 corners with a mysterious hole in the middle. Thankfully all my schooling is online and I have not had to do this. Though I did recently have to mail in a form that was missing a corner. Seriously keep all paper on a surface at least double the hieght of your baby. They have Go-Go Gadget arms and will find it. Once they learn to open boxes even a box isn't safe. We have lost at least three perfectly unused but thoroughly chewed and mangled diapers in the least week to a clever box opening Cutes.

Quick Painting Idea

So anyone who crafts or paints knows you need something to squeeze paint on to. We have all used various things; sheet of paper, paper plate...a dinner plate. Hey you may have even bought yourself a fancy paint pallet. I recently came up with a great idea. My daughter was napping and I wanted to paint some clay hand prints for a project I will share at a later date. The trouble was I knew she'd wake up before I was done. So I grabbed a spare travel wipes case I had laying around. Now not only did I have somewhere to put my paint but if Cutes Patoots found my pallet she couldn't just get her hand, foot, or tongue on my paint. We all have several of these cases laying around because it seems like every box of wipes comes with one.

So there it is my Mommypotamus craft tip!

Google, Pregnancy, and Babies

     The obsession starts the moment you decide to become pregnant or if it's an unplanned pregnancy the moment you get the little plus sign. You start Googling every. Little. Thing. From "am I really pregnant" to "is green poop normal."  What about "Is a wheezing sound normal." Sounds reasonable to look that up until you realize your baby learned they can make sound by inhaling. (Yeah I went there because yes I did it.) Maybe you even look up "how reliable is Internet information," though not many do. (I'd bet you right now there are ten things posted on your Facebook page that seem legit but if you researched them are fake.) My point is when you find out you are going to be a parent Google seems like your very best friend. In fact I bet you are Googling right now, otherwise how did you end up here?

     As a new or even a second or third time parent Google can be a very useful resource. For instance you can look up product reviews, recalls, and recommendations. You can also find out what the latest safety guidelines are for newborn care, foods, milk storage, car seats, etc. But you have to be careful and make sure the information you are reading is accurate. We all know that but few of us bother to fact check or consider the source we are getting our information from. Where it gets really hinky is when we start Googling things like "infant wheezing" "lower abdominal pain pregnant" "newborn congestion and cough." We start looking up medical issues trying to determine if we should go  to the doctor. What we end up doing is freaking ourselves out, calming ourselves down, freaking out again, worrying constantly, and then running to the emergency room or urgent care clinic because we are convinced our baby is going to die of some rare complication because it doesn't happen often but "oh my god it happened to all these people on the Internet!!!" We go to Google or Bing or whatever search engine we prefer to try and calm our already over active imagination down and end up feeding fuel to the raging inferno. I am not saying to not look things up. It is a pregnant and parental compulsion, but when reading information steer clear of reading discussion boards. One, chances are most of the "answers" to the question will be other parents going "mine too, what is this" or two, it will be a story of someone who had a bad experience. Chances are pretty good that cough is a cold and not something worse. A healthy dose of caution is a good thing, but the internet is likely to take that caution and turn it into nearly paralyzing fear.
     "But Mommypotamus I have so many questions I need answers to?" you say.Go ahead and Google away, but make sure to check your facts and consider your source. Even What to Expect When You're Expecting has segments written by people that are not experts. If it is a medical issue your best bet is to talk to you doctor or pediatrician. They are the only one who is going to give you true peace of mind. And believe me during pregnancy and especially through that first year they have probably been asked before and they EXPECT you to have a million questions. Don't be afraid to call and ask if hey think you should come in. I actually called to ask how many days could pass before I should be concerned if Cutes Patoots didn't have a bowel movement. (The answer is about a 5 days in a 2 month old, and the nurse had me give her diluted prune juice. We did end up seeing the pediatrician at day 6 and she had us give her 1/2 a glycerin suppository. You get them at the pharmacy. Just in case you need to know....Don't do it in the kitchen....Yes you are likely to get poop on you.)
     My final thoughts on Google, pregnancy, and babies is this: for every "answer" you run across that gives you some measure of peace you will read about 10 that will just freak you out, possibly running to the emergency room. So when you are reading horror stories or even just guidelines try to remember to consider the source, avoid getting "facts" from discussion boards, and ask your pediatrician. There is no way someone on the internet who can not see you or your baby can give you a completely accurate evaluation of your situation. Learn to sort through what you find, and this applies to pretty much anything. Jackie Chan has died in a stunt accident more times than I can count thanks to the internet adn last I check he was still alive and kicking.